4 Things That Are Just Fine the Way They Are
If it ain't broke, don't fix it! And yes, this includes your thighs and your chocolate habit.
By Jessica Winter
O, The Oprah Magazine | From the January 2010 issue of O, The Oprah Magazine
Your Thighs!
A recent Danish study shows that people with thighs less than 24 inches around face a higher risk of heart disease and premature death, even if their body mass index (BMI) is normal. Not only do model-skinny thighs mean less muscle mass (which may mean the body is less able to regulate insulin levels), but some scientists hypothesize that thigh fat acts as a "metabolic sink," flushing the blood of harmful triglycerides (which raise your risk of cardiovascular ills).
YOUR CHOCOLATE HABIT!
An eight-year Swedish study of heart attack survivors showed that chocolate eaters had better survival rates—and the more chocolate they ate, the lower their risk of death. "The antioxidants in chocolate have beneficial effects on blood pressure," explains Kenneth J. Mukamal, MD, coauthor of the study. He's not just talking tiny slivers of ultradark chocolate, either: The average portion eaten by study participants was 50-gram samples (just under two ounces) with about 30 percent cocoa content—picture a few triangles of milk chocolate Toblerone.
YOUR TECHNOLOGY!
"If your computer is less than three years old, and you use it mainly to surf the Web and write e-mail, chances are you don't need a new one," says Peter Rojas, founder of the tech sites Engadget.com and gdgt.com . Likewise, no need to trade up your DVR ("They all do essentially the same thing") or your iPod, if you use it primarily to listen to music ("An iPod Touch or Nano may have less space than your current model"). Your high-def TV is fine, too—at least for now. "Lots of new HDTV display technologies will be coming out in the next couple of years," Rojas says, "so you should wait to upgrade."
YOUR SEX LIFE!
"Women are constantly being told that they need a lot of sex—they feel like they should be walking around feeling desirous all the time," says Hilda Hutcherson, MD, clinical professor of obstetrics and gynecology at Columbia University Medical Center. "But it's more common to have ebbs and flows." The average couple has sex about six times a month, which, as Hutcherson points out, means that many women are having much less than that. Even occasional sex gives your heart rate a healthy boost and delivers a rush of endorphins (which enhance mood) and prolactin (which improves sleep).
MY THOUGHTS
meaning, be content with these 4 things. not everything has to change.
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Friday, February 18, 2011
WHY DO I FEEL RESTLESS AND UNFULFILLED?
Q&A - Why Do I Feel Restless and Unfulfilled?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, LifeScript Personal Coach
Published March 12, 2009
Q: Over the past few months I have become restless and unfullfilled with my life. I love being a wife and mother, but I want more out of life: more money, more happiness, more freedom, more everything. I just don't know how to achieve this. Sometimes I feel as if I am a caged animal that is desperately trying to escape. What could cause me to suddenly be so unhappy with a life that was once fulfilling?
-Elisha B.
A: Hi Elisha,
I’m sure there are a lot of others who can identify with how you feel. I am even more intrigued by the nebulousness of your concern. As a matter of fact, it’s that vague sense of wanting something more or that insatiable itch to do something different with one’s life that is often the driving force that inspires people to take action. I’m curious about your age and the age of your children, as that information would help me better understand your predicament. For example, if your children are approaching college age, the empty nest syndrome often creates the kind of feelings you describe. Other times it can be what we call a mid-life crisis, simple boredom, or in more serious cases, a much deeper psychological issue. So the question remains: What would cause you to “suddenly be so unhappy”?
The short answer, due to the limited information I have, is that I don’t know. I suggest you visit with a therapist or someone from your local place of worship to help you think through this sudden state of unhappiness. You could also stop by your local community college or career center and inquire about taking interest inventories to help you narrow down your interests better. The bottom line is this: There is a little voice whispering discontentment into your ear and I don’t suggest you ignore it. In most cases, action is the antidote for unhappiness. I suggest you become active by taking this to the next level, Elisha, and investigate these feelings with a trained listener.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
who hasn't experienced that feeling of being unsettled? people feel that at some point. and it's very 'unsettling' because most of us would want to be able to explain why we're feeling that way. i don't mind being in that mood sometimes. contentment and happiness can make us fall into the complacent trap. so, consider feelings of discontent or sadness as 'gentle nudges'. don't bury yourself into the feeling. i'll borrow a line from my dance video - "get up and let yourself go".
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, LifeScript Personal Coach
Published March 12, 2009
Q: Over the past few months I have become restless and unfullfilled with my life. I love being a wife and mother, but I want more out of life: more money, more happiness, more freedom, more everything. I just don't know how to achieve this. Sometimes I feel as if I am a caged animal that is desperately trying to escape. What could cause me to suddenly be so unhappy with a life that was once fulfilling?
-Elisha B.
A: Hi Elisha,
I’m sure there are a lot of others who can identify with how you feel. I am even more intrigued by the nebulousness of your concern. As a matter of fact, it’s that vague sense of wanting something more or that insatiable itch to do something different with one’s life that is often the driving force that inspires people to take action. I’m curious about your age and the age of your children, as that information would help me better understand your predicament. For example, if your children are approaching college age, the empty nest syndrome often creates the kind of feelings you describe. Other times it can be what we call a mid-life crisis, simple boredom, or in more serious cases, a much deeper psychological issue. So the question remains: What would cause you to “suddenly be so unhappy”?
The short answer, due to the limited information I have, is that I don’t know. I suggest you visit with a therapist or someone from your local place of worship to help you think through this sudden state of unhappiness. You could also stop by your local community college or career center and inquire about taking interest inventories to help you narrow down your interests better. The bottom line is this: There is a little voice whispering discontentment into your ear and I don’t suggest you ignore it. In most cases, action is the antidote for unhappiness. I suggest you become active by taking this to the next level, Elisha, and investigate these feelings with a trained listener.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
who hasn't experienced that feeling of being unsettled? people feel that at some point. and it's very 'unsettling' because most of us would want to be able to explain why we're feeling that way. i don't mind being in that mood sometimes. contentment and happiness can make us fall into the complacent trap. so, consider feelings of discontent or sadness as 'gentle nudges'. don't bury yourself into the feeling. i'll borrow a line from my dance video - "get up and let yourself go".
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
HOW OFTEN DO YOU COMPLAIN?
Q&A - How Do I Stop Complaining?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, LifeScript Personal Coach
Published January 13, 2009
Q: Do you believe that some people are prone to being negative or pessimistic? My mom was negative, and I find myself unfortunately acting the same way. If so, how does one become less of a complainer?
-Laura N.
A: Hi Laura,
You ask a great question that really sets the stage for positive change in the New Year. I think all of the complainers out there should take your lead and make this year the year they stop complaining as well! Of course, there are sometimes good reasons to complain. However, the kind of complaining you and I are referring to is definitely cut from a different cloth. We are talking about those people who constantly complain about everything! Like many others, your complaining is rooted in your upbringing. In your case, it appears that your mother’s complaining has been passed along to you through her actions. I believe that it’s much more likely you learned this behavior, rather than being genetically predisposed to it. The good news is that pessimism is not a life sentence, and change is absolutely within your ability.
As is true with any unwanted behavior, it is first important that you become aware you are doing it. I suggest you begin with the following awareness activity:
Carry a piece of paper with you and put a mark on it every time you complain. Or, if you’re really brave, allow someone who is with you often to monitor your complaining in this way. Do this for a week, and if you honestly mark down each incident, you’ll be amazed at how often you complain. The shock value alone may be enough to create the change you desire.
The next step is to catch yourself before you complain and begin inserting positive comments in place of your typical negative ones. The purpose is to throw a spotlight on the offending behavior, and then mindfully replace the negative comment with a positive comment. In short, you can learn to stop complaining and be more positive. This activity is a bit like learning to drive a car. At first, you have to concentrate on everything, but eventually, it becomes automatic.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
am i a habitual complainer? i don't think so. i'm generally a happy person. in fact,lately, i find myself taking less and less notice of frustrating events. since i can't be sure,i should bring that piece of paper with me. i might shock myself.
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, LifeScript Personal Coach
Published January 13, 2009
Q: Do you believe that some people are prone to being negative or pessimistic? My mom was negative, and I find myself unfortunately acting the same way. If so, how does one become less of a complainer?
-Laura N.
A: Hi Laura,
You ask a great question that really sets the stage for positive change in the New Year. I think all of the complainers out there should take your lead and make this year the year they stop complaining as well! Of course, there are sometimes good reasons to complain. However, the kind of complaining you and I are referring to is definitely cut from a different cloth. We are talking about those people who constantly complain about everything! Like many others, your complaining is rooted in your upbringing. In your case, it appears that your mother’s complaining has been passed along to you through her actions. I believe that it’s much more likely you learned this behavior, rather than being genetically predisposed to it. The good news is that pessimism is not a life sentence, and change is absolutely within your ability.
As is true with any unwanted behavior, it is first important that you become aware you are doing it. I suggest you begin with the following awareness activity:
Carry a piece of paper with you and put a mark on it every time you complain. Or, if you’re really brave, allow someone who is with you often to monitor your complaining in this way. Do this for a week, and if you honestly mark down each incident, you’ll be amazed at how often you complain. The shock value alone may be enough to create the change you desire.
The next step is to catch yourself before you complain and begin inserting positive comments in place of your typical negative ones. The purpose is to throw a spotlight on the offending behavior, and then mindfully replace the negative comment with a positive comment. In short, you can learn to stop complaining and be more positive. This activity is a bit like learning to drive a car. At first, you have to concentrate on everything, but eventually, it becomes automatic.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com
MY THOUGHTS
am i a habitual complainer? i don't think so. i'm generally a happy person. in fact,lately, i find myself taking less and less notice of frustrating events. since i can't be sure,i should bring that piece of paper with me. i might shock myself.
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Scientifically-proven ways to be happier
Scientifically-Proven Ways to Be Happier
By Kimberly Weisul | February 3, 2011
http://www.bnet.com/blog/business-research/scientifically-proven-ways-to-be-happier/711
How can you be happier? Jennifer L. Aaker, a marketing professor at Stanford University’s School of Business, Melanie Rudd, a Stanford MBA student, and Wharton marketing professor Cassie Mogilner, are here to help. Noting that inquiries into money and happiness have found surprisingly few correlations between the two, the trio instead set out to look at the way people spend their time and how that affects happiness. The researchers examined 60 academic studies, then tried to draw links between those findings to draw more general conclusions.
The results? Here are five guidelines they say anyone can use to increase their happiness.
1. Spend time with the “right people.” Sounds simple. But who exactly are the right people? Unfortunately, they’re generally not your office mates, who are the ones people tend to spend the most time with. The people that make you happiest will generally be friends, family, and romantic partners. That’s why one the most powerful influencers of general happiness is whether or not someone has a “best friend” at work and whether or not they like their boss.
* Avoid small talk. A related predictor of happiness is how much substantive discussion a person engages in, compared to small talk. Generally, small talk makes people unhappy, and often, work relationships involve a disproportionate amount of small talk. If you want to increase your happiness, it’s far better to find one or two colleagues with whom you can have a real discussion than to engage in small talk around the water cooler.
2. Spend time on “socially connecting” activities, such as volunteering and spending time with friends.
* Work doesn’t count. Unless your job is particularly fulfilling and your colleagues are your best buds, work is not ’socially connecting’ and is generally one of the more unhappy parts of the day. Commuting is also gets high marks for making people unhappy.
* Volunteering has been proven to be a good way to increase happiness.
* Memory is important, because it helps us take an event that happened in the past and extend its ‘worth’ into the future. One way to help choose experiences that will increase happiness is to consider how you might remember them in the future. What are your happiest memories? How might you create more similar memories?
3. Day dream, or, as the researchers say, enjoy the experience without spending the time. As counterintuitive as it may seem, research has shown that the part of the brain responsible for feeling pleasure can be activated just by thinking about something pleasurable. And we often enjoy the anticipation of something pleasurable more than the actual experience that we think is going to be so great. The most common example is vacation planning, which some find more pleasurable than the vacation itself.
4. Expand your time. No, this does not mean you have to find a warp in the space-time continuum (although it might help). Focusing on the “here and now” slows down the perceived passage of time, allowing people to feel less rushed and hurried. How can we do that?
* Breathe slowly. Just for a few minutes. As the authors write: “In one study, subjects who were instructed to take long and slow breaths (vs. short and quick ones) for 5 minutes not only felt there was more time available to get things done, but also perceived their day to be longer.”
* Volunteering makes it seem like you have more time. In general, spending time on someone else makes people feel like they have more spare time and that their future is more expansive.
* Pay people to do the chores you hate. Activities that we choose to do generally make us happier than those that are obligatory. So if you can afford it, hire someone else to do some of the ‘obligatory’ tasks, such as cleaning the house. Then use the time you’ve ‘bought’ not to catch up on work, but to do something you genuinely enjoy.
5. Be aware that aging changes the way people experience happiness. Youths tend to equate happiness with excitement, but as people get older, happiness is associated with feeling peaceful. Young people get more happiness from spending time with interesting new acquaintances, while older people get more enjoyment from spending time with close friends and family.
Do these sound like guidelines you can follow in your own life? What activities make you happy? What else do you think should be on the list?
Kimberly Weisul is a freelance writer and editor. You can follow her at www.twitter.com/weisul.
MY THOUGHTS
it's official! i am not young anymore. i have come to dislike crowds and noisy places. i prefer lunch or dinner with a select group of 'real' friends. i love family vacations in a place where there are only a few people around and there's space to retreat to when things get to be too much. spending hours at a mall used to bring me so much happiness. now,i avoid it like the plague and try to limit myself to quick trips at the grocery.
i need to do some volunteering again. a couple of years ago i spent 1 whole day wrapping gifts for underprivileged kids. it was backbreaking but gave me a sense of well-being that's hard to explain. maybe i should start daydreaming about my next volunteer escapade.
By Kimberly Weisul | February 3, 2011
http://www.bnet.com/blog/business-research/scientifically-proven-ways-to-be-happier/711
How can you be happier? Jennifer L. Aaker, a marketing professor at Stanford University’s School of Business, Melanie Rudd, a Stanford MBA student, and Wharton marketing professor Cassie Mogilner, are here to help. Noting that inquiries into money and happiness have found surprisingly few correlations between the two, the trio instead set out to look at the way people spend their time and how that affects happiness. The researchers examined 60 academic studies, then tried to draw links between those findings to draw more general conclusions.
The results? Here are five guidelines they say anyone can use to increase their happiness.
1. Spend time with the “right people.” Sounds simple. But who exactly are the right people? Unfortunately, they’re generally not your office mates, who are the ones people tend to spend the most time with. The people that make you happiest will generally be friends, family, and romantic partners. That’s why one the most powerful influencers of general happiness is whether or not someone has a “best friend” at work and whether or not they like their boss.
* Avoid small talk. A related predictor of happiness is how much substantive discussion a person engages in, compared to small talk. Generally, small talk makes people unhappy, and often, work relationships involve a disproportionate amount of small talk. If you want to increase your happiness, it’s far better to find one or two colleagues with whom you can have a real discussion than to engage in small talk around the water cooler.
2. Spend time on “socially connecting” activities, such as volunteering and spending time with friends.
* Work doesn’t count. Unless your job is particularly fulfilling and your colleagues are your best buds, work is not ’socially connecting’ and is generally one of the more unhappy parts of the day. Commuting is also gets high marks for making people unhappy.
* Volunteering has been proven to be a good way to increase happiness.
* Memory is important, because it helps us take an event that happened in the past and extend its ‘worth’ into the future. One way to help choose experiences that will increase happiness is to consider how you might remember them in the future. What are your happiest memories? How might you create more similar memories?
3. Day dream, or, as the researchers say, enjoy the experience without spending the time. As counterintuitive as it may seem, research has shown that the part of the brain responsible for feeling pleasure can be activated just by thinking about something pleasurable. And we often enjoy the anticipation of something pleasurable more than the actual experience that we think is going to be so great. The most common example is vacation planning, which some find more pleasurable than the vacation itself.
4. Expand your time. No, this does not mean you have to find a warp in the space-time continuum (although it might help). Focusing on the “here and now” slows down the perceived passage of time, allowing people to feel less rushed and hurried. How can we do that?
* Breathe slowly. Just for a few minutes. As the authors write: “In one study, subjects who were instructed to take long and slow breaths (vs. short and quick ones) for 5 minutes not only felt there was more time available to get things done, but also perceived their day to be longer.”
* Volunteering makes it seem like you have more time. In general, spending time on someone else makes people feel like they have more spare time and that their future is more expansive.
* Pay people to do the chores you hate. Activities that we choose to do generally make us happier than those that are obligatory. So if you can afford it, hire someone else to do some of the ‘obligatory’ tasks, such as cleaning the house. Then use the time you’ve ‘bought’ not to catch up on work, but to do something you genuinely enjoy.
5. Be aware that aging changes the way people experience happiness. Youths tend to equate happiness with excitement, but as people get older, happiness is associated with feeling peaceful. Young people get more happiness from spending time with interesting new acquaintances, while older people get more enjoyment from spending time with close friends and family.
Do these sound like guidelines you can follow in your own life? What activities make you happy? What else do you think should be on the list?
Kimberly Weisul is a freelance writer and editor. You can follow her at www.twitter.com/weisul.
MY THOUGHTS
it's official! i am not young anymore. i have come to dislike crowds and noisy places. i prefer lunch or dinner with a select group of 'real' friends. i love family vacations in a place where there are only a few people around and there's space to retreat to when things get to be too much. spending hours at a mall used to bring me so much happiness. now,i avoid it like the plague and try to limit myself to quick trips at the grocery.
i need to do some volunteering again. a couple of years ago i spent 1 whole day wrapping gifts for underprivileged kids. it was backbreaking but gave me a sense of well-being that's hard to explain. maybe i should start daydreaming about my next volunteer escapade.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
the woman and the hair
The Joy of the Journey Is in the Ride
By Sandra Magsamen
Original Content | May 30, 2008
I used to be one of those people who, when it was time for vacation, found myself over packing and overloading my suitcase with tons of stuff that I was sure I was going to need for my trip. I'd pull and lift, roll and drag way too much stuff with me whenever I'd travel. Truth is, I had a lot of baggage. Instead of heading off to vacation with room for a future adventure, I was carrying way too much of the past with me. I guess I was stuck in thinking I needed what was familiar and comforting. Then I heard this great little story that changed all that.
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and had a wonderful day. The next day, she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "Hmm," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and had a fantastic day. The next day, she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "today I'm going to wear my hair in a ponytail." So she did and had a really great day. The next day, she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"
This wonderful story reminded me that each day new challenges and adventures come our way. To be really happy, we have to adapt, roll with the changes and embrace the adventure instead of clinging to old ways of living and to the past. This little story makes one point really clear—attitude is everything! When you begin to realize that attitude is a powerful tool, it can change your life for the better, forever.
Armed with this new sense of freedom and attitude and tired of dragging all my old stuff with me, I decided to start my vacation in Maine last summer with just the basics. I threw a few shirts and skirts and a great pair of shoes in a bag and set out on my way. I elected to pick up things that I really loved all along the journey. While on vacation, I drifted in and out of antique stores, junk shops and yard sales. I picked up little things that caught my eye—forgotten buttons, scraps of fabric, old sheet music and charms that had long ago fallen off their bracelets. As I strolled on the beach, I felt lucky to find broken pieces of painted china, small pieces of driftwood and worn sea glass in a variety of colors, shapes and sizes. At sunset, I poured myself a glass of wine, toasted the day's end and began tinkering with the loot I'd collected.
I found a long piece of twine in the house we rented. I think its original use was to tie up the newspapers for recycling, but I had other designs on it. In my cosmetic case, I found a sewing kit from a hotel. As the natural light of day faded, I began stitching the bits and pieces of my day's journey onto the twine until my eyes got tired and the rumbling of my tummy called for dinner. Every evening, I added a few more treasures to the twine. At the end of the week's vacation, I tied a knot in the now highly decorated cord and slipped it over my neck as I headed to the car for the drive home. Whenever I wear my creation, I am instantly transported to the feelings of rest and relaxation and the memory of a time I cherished.
I like to keep a travel journal on vacation, but because I did not bring a book with me, I started searching for one along the way. I went to the local library where they were hosting their summer book sale, and for 50 cents I bought a brightly covered, red, hardbound book that became the canvas for my travel journal. I added pages simply by stapling blank ones in among the typed ones, glued in pictures of places we'd gone, recorded the most wonderful things we ate for lunch and dinner, drew pictures of the houses along the beach and filled the book with little pieces of what turned out to be a big adventure.
I've learned that you don't need to take lots of stuff with you when you travel—it's best to travel light and take in the new experiences. Use anything you find to document your trip and make a journal. Guide books, menus and old books all make for great journals. I met a woman the other day who writes on her boarding passes from the plane. She has saved a box full, and they share the story of her life's journey. You too can fill your journal with thoughts for the day, poems you discover, a list of things you found beautiful in the day and anything and everything that touches your heart.
The true joy of a trip isn't always in the destination. How one woman left her emotional baggage at home and started embracing the adventures of life.
MY THOUGHTS
if there is anything in my blogs that i wish people would read, this is the one. i like the story of the woman and her hair. not because it's funny. which is a plus by the way. but because it's packed with the real essence of how to live our lives with joy. not just happiness. joy. joy that sometimes we cannot explain. because it doesn't come from anything temporary. joy that comes from somewhere deep within. joy that's inspired by the Higher Being.
i am so like the author when i travel. heck (sorry!), there was a time in my crazy life when i packed several photo albums. yes! not just pictures. the whole album!!! and the man in the album turned out to be a real pain in the %$#. i've forgiven him. and myself, for that matter. that was part of my journey.
you see, just like this lady, i filled my life with so many things, past and present, most of them non-valuables. the result? there's no more space for new, more valuable things. when i travel, i bring so many things. because i might need them. then i would shop myself to death. buying things that i MAY need. i end up with with more baggage.
i'm still trying to learn to travel light. and i just don't mean luggage. i'm learning, that the way to receive is not simply to open up myself. i have to empty myself. i hope that God will continue using me to fill people up. i'd like to be able to rise up to that occasion when God sees it fit. but i'm learning to see it the other way, too. i'm not the only one that God wants to use. i also need filling-up. and that won't happen when i am so full.
travel light. live simply. enjoy the journey. i'll get there one day.
By Sandra Magsamen
Original Content | May 30, 2008
I used to be one of those people who, when it was time for vacation, found myself over packing and overloading my suitcase with tons of stuff that I was sure I was going to need for my trip. I'd pull and lift, roll and drag way too much stuff with me whenever I'd travel. Truth is, I had a lot of baggage. Instead of heading off to vacation with room for a future adventure, I was carrying way too much of the past with me. I guess I was stuck in thinking I needed what was familiar and comforting. Then I heard this great little story that changed all that.
There once was a woman who woke up one morning, looked in the mirror and noticed she had only three hairs on her head. "Well," she said, "I think I'll braid my hair today." So she did and had a wonderful day. The next day, she woke up, looked in the mirror and saw that she had only two hairs on her head. "Hmm," she said, "I think I'll part my hair down the middle today." So she did and had a fantastic day. The next day, she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that she had only one hair on her head. "Well," she said, "today I'm going to wear my hair in a ponytail." So she did and had a really great day. The next day, she woke up, looked in the mirror and noticed that there wasn't a single hair on her head. "YEA!" she exclaimed, "I don't have to fix my hair today!"
This wonderful story reminded me that each day new challenges and adventures come our way. To be really happy, we have to adapt, roll with the changes and embrace the adventure instead of clinging to old ways of living and to the past. This little story makes one point really clear—attitude is everything! When you begin to realize that attitude is a powerful tool, it can change your life for the better, forever.
Armed with this new sense of freedom and attitude and tired of dragging all my old stuff with me, I decided to start my vacation in Maine last summer with just the basics. I threw a few shirts and skirts and a great pair of shoes in a bag and set out on my way. I elected to pick up things that I really loved all along the journey. While on vacation, I drifted in and out of antique stores, junk shops and yard sales. I picked up little things that caught my eye—forgotten buttons, scraps of fabric, old sheet music and charms that had long ago fallen off their bracelets. As I strolled on the beach, I felt lucky to find broken pieces of painted china, small pieces of driftwood and worn sea glass in a variety of colors, shapes and sizes. At sunset, I poured myself a glass of wine, toasted the day's end and began tinkering with the loot I'd collected.
I found a long piece of twine in the house we rented. I think its original use was to tie up the newspapers for recycling, but I had other designs on it. In my cosmetic case, I found a sewing kit from a hotel. As the natural light of day faded, I began stitching the bits and pieces of my day's journey onto the twine until my eyes got tired and the rumbling of my tummy called for dinner. Every evening, I added a few more treasures to the twine. At the end of the week's vacation, I tied a knot in the now highly decorated cord and slipped it over my neck as I headed to the car for the drive home. Whenever I wear my creation, I am instantly transported to the feelings of rest and relaxation and the memory of a time I cherished.
I like to keep a travel journal on vacation, but because I did not bring a book with me, I started searching for one along the way. I went to the local library where they were hosting their summer book sale, and for 50 cents I bought a brightly covered, red, hardbound book that became the canvas for my travel journal. I added pages simply by stapling blank ones in among the typed ones, glued in pictures of places we'd gone, recorded the most wonderful things we ate for lunch and dinner, drew pictures of the houses along the beach and filled the book with little pieces of what turned out to be a big adventure.
I've learned that you don't need to take lots of stuff with you when you travel—it's best to travel light and take in the new experiences. Use anything you find to document your trip and make a journal. Guide books, menus and old books all make for great journals. I met a woman the other day who writes on her boarding passes from the plane. She has saved a box full, and they share the story of her life's journey. You too can fill your journal with thoughts for the day, poems you discover, a list of things you found beautiful in the day and anything and everything that touches your heart.
The true joy of a trip isn't always in the destination. How one woman left her emotional baggage at home and started embracing the adventures of life.
MY THOUGHTS
if there is anything in my blogs that i wish people would read, this is the one. i like the story of the woman and her hair. not because it's funny. which is a plus by the way. but because it's packed with the real essence of how to live our lives with joy. not just happiness. joy. joy that sometimes we cannot explain. because it doesn't come from anything temporary. joy that comes from somewhere deep within. joy that's inspired by the Higher Being.
i am so like the author when i travel. heck (sorry!), there was a time in my crazy life when i packed several photo albums. yes! not just pictures. the whole album!!! and the man in the album turned out to be a real pain in the %$#. i've forgiven him. and myself, for that matter. that was part of my journey.
you see, just like this lady, i filled my life with so many things, past and present, most of them non-valuables. the result? there's no more space for new, more valuable things. when i travel, i bring so many things. because i might need them. then i would shop myself to death. buying things that i MAY need. i end up with with more baggage.
i'm still trying to learn to travel light. and i just don't mean luggage. i'm learning, that the way to receive is not simply to open up myself. i have to empty myself. i hope that God will continue using me to fill people up. i'd like to be able to rise up to that occasion when God sees it fit. but i'm learning to see it the other way, too. i'm not the only one that God wants to use. i also need filling-up. and that won't happen when i am so full.
travel light. live simply. enjoy the journey. i'll get there one day.
Friday, January 14, 2011
Step By Step Guide To Being Happy
How To Be Happy: Step By Step Guide To Being Happy
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated October 11, 2009
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
Introduction: How To Be Happy
While people have many and varied goals that they pursue, there is an almost universal underlying goal to virtually all pursuits: the goal to be happy. People who spend a lot of time making money generally do so because they believe that the money itself will make them happy, or will guard them against things that will make them unhappy. If the focus isn’t on the money, but on the jobs that bring the money, those jobs are generally thought to make people happy. People strive for that perfect relationship, the perfect house, the beautiful body, the approval of others, all in an attempt to be happy. Sometimes these things make us happy; other times, we stress over not having reached our goals, or we reach them and find that we’re still not happy. Other times, we focus so intensely on one goal that’s thought to bring happiness that we don’t have time for other things in our life that will make us truly happy. This can all be confusing, and begs the question: how does one reach the goal of being happy?
The following is a step-by-step guide that can help you explore the current state of your life, assess how truly happy you are, and find a direction to work toward that will likely bring more happiness. You’ll also find resources and tips for reaching your happiness goals and setting new ones. These pages are the gateway to a life that truly makes you happy.
Look At Your Life: Does Your Lifestyle Make You Happy?
Positive Psychology experts—those who study human happiness and the factors that contribute to it--have identified several key areas of life that seem to be more related to personal happiness. While it’s not an absolute given that dissatisfaction on one or three areas of life will lead to personal unhappiness or that satisfaction in most areas will automatically lead to bliss, there is a correlation: if you’re more satisfied with these areas of your life, you tend to be more happy in general. So what are the things in life that are correlated with personal happiness? Some of them are the things that you would expect: money, friends, health, living conditions; others are things you may not think of in your daily life, such as your neighborhood, spirituality, community involvement, and sense of meaning in life. (The role that these things play in your life can also impact your happiness, but there’s more on that later.)
For a full list of the areas of life that tend to bring happiness, see this article on finding authentic happiness; each item of the list is a link to more information and resources on the happiness-inducing lifestyle feature. Also, for a more personalized view, you can take this Happiness Self Assessment Test, which will ask you about different areas of your life and provide you with an assessment of which areas of your life may be bringing you happiness and which may need some changes. You’ll then find resources to learn more and make changes that should bring you more happiness.
Lifestyle, however, is only part of the happiness equation. Your attitude about life and the things that happen to you each day can also greatly impact your overall level of happiness and life satisfaction. Find out more about Cultivating an Attitude for Happiness.
Look At Your Attitude: Do Your Thoughts Make You Happy?
As mentioned in the earlier section, lifestyle features have a significant impact on personal happiness levels, but a significant piece of the equation is one’s attitude toward life. It’s probably no secret that optimists tend to be happier people, but you may not realize that there’s more to optimism than ‘putting on a happy face or ‘looking on the bright side’. There are specific traits of optimists, pleasantly distorted ways of thinking, that bring optimists more success, greater health, increased life satisfaction, and other goodies on a regular basis. Cultivating the mind of an optimist can not only mean cultivating happiness, regardless of your circumstance, but it can actually bring more things into your life to be happy about. (Not sure if you’re an optimist or a pessimist? This Optimism Self Test can tell you, and provide resources; many people have been surprised by their results, so I highly recommend this enlightening self assessment tool.)
In addition to optimism, happy people tend to have an internal locus of control; simply put, they tend to believe that they are the masters of their fate, rather than the victims of circumstance. When you view the stressors of your life as a challenge rather than a threat, you tend to come up with more effective solutions and feel more exhilarated (rather than drained) as you tackle these circumstances. (Read this article for more on cultivating an internal locus of control.)
Set The Right Goals for Happiness
As previously mentioned, many people pursue goals that they expect will make them happy, but happiness isn’t always the end result. We all know people who have put everything they have into their careers—at the expense of their personal lives—only to wonder why they’re successful and still unhappy. It’s also all too common for people to be surrounded by a beautiful home, expensive cars, designer clothes (and sometimes mounds of debt) and still have less personal satisfaction with life than they had without all the “stuff”. How is one to know which goals will garner personal happiness and which won’t?
Another quick look at the list of factors that promote happiness shows that many things contribute to personal happiness; finding a balanced lifestyle so that you can include social support, personal development, physical health and meaningful pursuits in addition to career success and financial security (features that more often steal the focus) is much more likely to bring happiness than a lifestyle where only one or two of these facets receives the lion’s share of energy and resources, to the exclusion of other important lifestyle factors.
As you set your goals, remember all of the areas of life that are important to you. Map out a detailed description of how you would like your whole life to look. Use a pie chart to represent your life, and put the goals for different areas of your life into the different ‘pieces’. Or, set goals and develop healthy habits for a different area of your life each month. For ideas, see this article onoptimum changes for personal happiness, or this article on healthy habits for a balanced lifestyle. And don’t forget the importance of knowing how to say no to too many activities in your life!
Work Toward Your Goals The Smart Way
Whether setting goals as New Year’s Resolutions, or as part of a quest for an improved life, many people sabotage themselves from the beginning by expecting too much and setting themselves up to fail. For example, many people expect themselves to immediate change their habits out of sheer willpower; any slip-ups are experienced as ‘failures’, and too often contribute to an abandonment of the goal and feelings of defeat.
If you’re trying to make positive changes in your life, it’s important to set yourself up to succeed:
1. First, set small, attainable goals. Work your way into a new habit with baby steps, and you’ll feel more successful every step of the way, and be less likely to give up.
2. Next, reward your progress; for each small goal you reach, allow yourself to feel pride, and perhaps give yourself a small reward.
3. Don’t forget to enlist social support! Tell the supportive people in your life what you’re attempting to acheieve, and tell them of your successes. This will give you added strength, and will make it less appealing to give up (and have to explain yourself to those close to you)!
See this article for more on making positive changes. Or, for a more spiritual approach, see these articles on understanding the law of attraction and using the law of attraction for positive changes.
MY THOUGHTS
i love road trips. i love road trips because of the sights you'll see along the way, the experience of navigating,of getting lost, of tasting strange food, buying things you've never seen before. i love road trips because you get cramped in the car with family and friends. and you are forced to talk and focus on each other.i think happiness is a road trip. i don't think happiness is the end-result. i think happiness is the journey itself.
By Elizabeth Scott, M.S., About.com Guide
Updated October 11, 2009
About.com Health's Disease and Condition content is reviewed by the Medical Review Board
Introduction: How To Be Happy
While people have many and varied goals that they pursue, there is an almost universal underlying goal to virtually all pursuits: the goal to be happy. People who spend a lot of time making money generally do so because they believe that the money itself will make them happy, or will guard them against things that will make them unhappy. If the focus isn’t on the money, but on the jobs that bring the money, those jobs are generally thought to make people happy. People strive for that perfect relationship, the perfect house, the beautiful body, the approval of others, all in an attempt to be happy. Sometimes these things make us happy; other times, we stress over not having reached our goals, or we reach them and find that we’re still not happy. Other times, we focus so intensely on one goal that’s thought to bring happiness that we don’t have time for other things in our life that will make us truly happy. This can all be confusing, and begs the question: how does one reach the goal of being happy?
The following is a step-by-step guide that can help you explore the current state of your life, assess how truly happy you are, and find a direction to work toward that will likely bring more happiness. You’ll also find resources and tips for reaching your happiness goals and setting new ones. These pages are the gateway to a life that truly makes you happy.
Look At Your Life: Does Your Lifestyle Make You Happy?
Positive Psychology experts—those who study human happiness and the factors that contribute to it--have identified several key areas of life that seem to be more related to personal happiness. While it’s not an absolute given that dissatisfaction on one or three areas of life will lead to personal unhappiness or that satisfaction in most areas will automatically lead to bliss, there is a correlation: if you’re more satisfied with these areas of your life, you tend to be more happy in general. So what are the things in life that are correlated with personal happiness? Some of them are the things that you would expect: money, friends, health, living conditions; others are things you may not think of in your daily life, such as your neighborhood, spirituality, community involvement, and sense of meaning in life. (The role that these things play in your life can also impact your happiness, but there’s more on that later.)
For a full list of the areas of life that tend to bring happiness, see this article on finding authentic happiness; each item of the list is a link to more information and resources on the happiness-inducing lifestyle feature. Also, for a more personalized view, you can take this Happiness Self Assessment Test, which will ask you about different areas of your life and provide you with an assessment of which areas of your life may be bringing you happiness and which may need some changes. You’ll then find resources to learn more and make changes that should bring you more happiness.
Lifestyle, however, is only part of the happiness equation. Your attitude about life and the things that happen to you each day can also greatly impact your overall level of happiness and life satisfaction. Find out more about Cultivating an Attitude for Happiness.
Look At Your Attitude: Do Your Thoughts Make You Happy?
As mentioned in the earlier section, lifestyle features have a significant impact on personal happiness levels, but a significant piece of the equation is one’s attitude toward life. It’s probably no secret that optimists tend to be happier people, but you may not realize that there’s more to optimism than ‘putting on a happy face or ‘looking on the bright side’. There are specific traits of optimists, pleasantly distorted ways of thinking, that bring optimists more success, greater health, increased life satisfaction, and other goodies on a regular basis. Cultivating the mind of an optimist can not only mean cultivating happiness, regardless of your circumstance, but it can actually bring more things into your life to be happy about. (Not sure if you’re an optimist or a pessimist? This Optimism Self Test can tell you, and provide resources; many people have been surprised by their results, so I highly recommend this enlightening self assessment tool.)
In addition to optimism, happy people tend to have an internal locus of control; simply put, they tend to believe that they are the masters of their fate, rather than the victims of circumstance. When you view the stressors of your life as a challenge rather than a threat, you tend to come up with more effective solutions and feel more exhilarated (rather than drained) as you tackle these circumstances. (Read this article for more on cultivating an internal locus of control.)
Set The Right Goals for Happiness
As previously mentioned, many people pursue goals that they expect will make them happy, but happiness isn’t always the end result. We all know people who have put everything they have into their careers—at the expense of their personal lives—only to wonder why they’re successful and still unhappy. It’s also all too common for people to be surrounded by a beautiful home, expensive cars, designer clothes (and sometimes mounds of debt) and still have less personal satisfaction with life than they had without all the “stuff”. How is one to know which goals will garner personal happiness and which won’t?
Another quick look at the list of factors that promote happiness shows that many things contribute to personal happiness; finding a balanced lifestyle so that you can include social support, personal development, physical health and meaningful pursuits in addition to career success and financial security (features that more often steal the focus) is much more likely to bring happiness than a lifestyle where only one or two of these facets receives the lion’s share of energy and resources, to the exclusion of other important lifestyle factors.
As you set your goals, remember all of the areas of life that are important to you. Map out a detailed description of how you would like your whole life to look. Use a pie chart to represent your life, and put the goals for different areas of your life into the different ‘pieces’. Or, set goals and develop healthy habits for a different area of your life each month. For ideas, see this article onoptimum changes for personal happiness, or this article on healthy habits for a balanced lifestyle. And don’t forget the importance of knowing how to say no to too many activities in your life!
Work Toward Your Goals The Smart Way
Whether setting goals as New Year’s Resolutions, or as part of a quest for an improved life, many people sabotage themselves from the beginning by expecting too much and setting themselves up to fail. For example, many people expect themselves to immediate change their habits out of sheer willpower; any slip-ups are experienced as ‘failures’, and too often contribute to an abandonment of the goal and feelings of defeat.
If you’re trying to make positive changes in your life, it’s important to set yourself up to succeed:
1. First, set small, attainable goals. Work your way into a new habit with baby steps, and you’ll feel more successful every step of the way, and be less likely to give up.
2. Next, reward your progress; for each small goal you reach, allow yourself to feel pride, and perhaps give yourself a small reward.
3. Don’t forget to enlist social support! Tell the supportive people in your life what you’re attempting to acheieve, and tell them of your successes. This will give you added strength, and will make it less appealing to give up (and have to explain yourself to those close to you)!
See this article for more on making positive changes. Or, for a more spiritual approach, see these articles on understanding the law of attraction and using the law of attraction for positive changes.
MY THOUGHTS
i love road trips. i love road trips because of the sights you'll see along the way, the experience of navigating,of getting lost, of tasting strange food, buying things you've never seen before. i love road trips because you get cramped in the car with family and friends. and you are forced to talk and focus on each other.i think happiness is a road trip. i don't think happiness is the end-result. i think happiness is the journey itself.
Sunday, January 2, 2011
The Future You
Your Best Career Coach: The Future You
By Marshall Goldsmith | August 10, 2010
The best coaching you’ll ever get will not come from another person. It will come from inside you.
Take a deep breath. Take a deeper breath. Imagine that you’re 100 years old and you’re getting ready to die. Before you take that last breath, you’re given a wonderful gift: the opportunity to go back in time and talk with the person who is reading this blog post today, to help this younger version of yourself have a better life — both personally and professionally.
What advice would the wise 100-year-old you — who finally knows what really mattered in life — have for the you that is reading this blog post? As you think of the older you, whatever advice comes to mind, just do that.
In terms of performance appraisals, this is the only one that will matter. At the end of the day, the only person that you will need to impress is that old person that will one day look back at you from the mirror. If that old person thinks that you did the right thing, you did. If that old person thinks that you made a mistake, you did. You don’t have to impress anyone else.
Some good friends of mine had the opportunity to ask old people who were facing death what advice they would have for their younger selves. Three themes emerged:
1. Be happy now. Don’t wait for next week, next month or next year. A common regret of old people was, “I got so focused on trying to get what I did not have, I failed to appreciate all that I did have. I had almost everything. I wish that I would’ve taken the time to appreciate it.”
I ‘ve asked thousand of parents around the world to complete this sentence, “When my children grow up, I want them to be…” One world is mentioned more than all of the other words combined — no matter what country I am in. What is that word? Happy.
Do you want your children to be happy? Do you want your parents to be happy? Do you want the people that love you to be happy? Do you want the people who respect you at work to be happy? Then, you go first. They want you to be happy, too.
2. Build relationships and help people, especially friends and family. When you’re 100 years old and you look around your death bed, no fellow employees will be waving good-bye. You’ll finally realize that your friends and family are the only ones that care. They are the ones that matter.
Of course, building relationships and helping people are also keys to ultimate satisfaction with your professional career. I have asked many retired CEOs an important question about their professional lives, “What were you most proud of?” So far, none have talked about have large their offices were. All they talked about were the people they helped.
The main reason to help people has nothing to do with money, status or promotion. The main reason is simple: the 100-year-old you will be proud of you if you did — and disappointed in you if you didn’t.
3. If you have a dream, go for it. If you don’t try to achieve your dreams when you are 25, you probably won’t when you are 45, 65 or 85. None of us will achieve all of our dreams. The key question is not, “Did I achieve all of my dreams?” The key question is, “Did I at least try?” Old people almost never regretted the risks they took that failed. They almost always regretted the risks that they failed to take.
No one else can tell you how to find happiness, who to love or where to find meaning. Only you can answer these questions. The best coaching that you will ever receive will not come from any other person, it will come from inside you.
So, what advice would the “old you” have for the you that just read this post? If you don’t mind sharing your thoughts with other readers, I’d love to hear them.
. Person, Professional Development, Performance Appraisal, Blogging, Performance Management, Team Management, Strategy, Career, Internet, Management, Karen Steen more +
MY THOUGHTS
what advice? i don't know!!! that's one tough question. maybe to live a life that you don't necessarily have to be proud of but one that won't bring you embarrassment? maybe to live simply and find happiness with things that are free? maybe to NOT expect anything in return when you help? i know the best advice i can give is to get advice from the wisest - read the bible. and live out what you read. there are no maybe's there.
By Marshall Goldsmith | August 10, 2010
The best coaching you’ll ever get will not come from another person. It will come from inside you.
Take a deep breath. Take a deeper breath. Imagine that you’re 100 years old and you’re getting ready to die. Before you take that last breath, you’re given a wonderful gift: the opportunity to go back in time and talk with the person who is reading this blog post today, to help this younger version of yourself have a better life — both personally and professionally.
What advice would the wise 100-year-old you — who finally knows what really mattered in life — have for the you that is reading this blog post? As you think of the older you, whatever advice comes to mind, just do that.
In terms of performance appraisals, this is the only one that will matter. At the end of the day, the only person that you will need to impress is that old person that will one day look back at you from the mirror. If that old person thinks that you did the right thing, you did. If that old person thinks that you made a mistake, you did. You don’t have to impress anyone else.
Some good friends of mine had the opportunity to ask old people who were facing death what advice they would have for their younger selves. Three themes emerged:
1. Be happy now. Don’t wait for next week, next month or next year. A common regret of old people was, “I got so focused on trying to get what I did not have, I failed to appreciate all that I did have. I had almost everything. I wish that I would’ve taken the time to appreciate it.”
I ‘ve asked thousand of parents around the world to complete this sentence, “When my children grow up, I want them to be…” One world is mentioned more than all of the other words combined — no matter what country I am in. What is that word? Happy.
Do you want your children to be happy? Do you want your parents to be happy? Do you want the people that love you to be happy? Do you want the people who respect you at work to be happy? Then, you go first. They want you to be happy, too.
2. Build relationships and help people, especially friends and family. When you’re 100 years old and you look around your death bed, no fellow employees will be waving good-bye. You’ll finally realize that your friends and family are the only ones that care. They are the ones that matter.
Of course, building relationships and helping people are also keys to ultimate satisfaction with your professional career. I have asked many retired CEOs an important question about their professional lives, “What were you most proud of?” So far, none have talked about have large their offices were. All they talked about were the people they helped.
The main reason to help people has nothing to do with money, status or promotion. The main reason is simple: the 100-year-old you will be proud of you if you did — and disappointed in you if you didn’t.
3. If you have a dream, go for it. If you don’t try to achieve your dreams when you are 25, you probably won’t when you are 45, 65 or 85. None of us will achieve all of our dreams. The key question is not, “Did I achieve all of my dreams?” The key question is, “Did I at least try?” Old people almost never regretted the risks they took that failed. They almost always regretted the risks that they failed to take.
No one else can tell you how to find happiness, who to love or where to find meaning. Only you can answer these questions. The best coaching that you will ever receive will not come from any other person, it will come from inside you.
So, what advice would the “old you” have for the you that just read this post? If you don’t mind sharing your thoughts with other readers, I’d love to hear them.
. Person, Professional Development, Performance Appraisal, Blogging, Performance Management, Team Management, Strategy, Career, Internet, Management, Karen Steen more +
MY THOUGHTS
what advice? i don't know!!! that's one tough question. maybe to live a life that you don't necessarily have to be proud of but one that won't bring you embarrassment? maybe to live simply and find happiness with things that are free? maybe to NOT expect anything in return when you help? i know the best advice i can give is to get advice from the wisest - read the bible. and live out what you read. there are no maybe's there.
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