HOW OFTEN DO YOU COMPLAIN?

Q&A - How Do I Stop Complaining?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, LifeScript Personal Coach
Published January 13, 2009

Q: Do you believe that some people are prone to being negative or pessimistic? My mom was negative, and I find myself unfortunately acting the same way. If so, how does one become less of a complainer?

-Laura N.

A: Hi Laura,

You ask a great question that really sets the stage for positive change in the New Year. I think all of the complainers out there should take your lead and make this year the year they stop complaining as well! Of course, there are sometimes good reasons to complain. However, the kind of complaining you and I are referring to is definitely cut from a different cloth. We are talking about those people who constantly complain about everything! Like many others, your complaining is rooted in your upbringing. In your case, it appears that your mother’s complaining has been passed along to you through her actions. I believe that it’s much more likely you learned this behavior, rather than being genetically predisposed to it. The good news is that pessimism is not a life sentence, and change is absolutely within your ability.

As is true with any unwanted behavior, it is first important that you become aware you are doing it. I suggest you begin with the following awareness activity:

Carry a piece of paper with you and put a mark on it every time you complain. Or, if you’re really brave, allow someone who is with you often to monitor your complaining in this way. Do this for a week, and if you honestly mark down each incident, you’ll be amazed at how often you complain. The shock value alone may be enough to create the change you desire.

The next step is to catch yourself before you complain and begin inserting positive comments in place of your typical negative ones. The purpose is to throw a spotlight on the offending behavior, and then mindfully replace the negative comment with a positive comment. In short, you can learn to stop complaining and be more positive. This activity is a bit like learning to drive a car. At first, you have to concentrate on everything, but eventually, it becomes automatic.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

am i a habitual complainer? i don't think so. i'm generally a happy person. in fact,lately, i find myself taking less and less notice of frustrating events. since i can't be sure,i should bring that piece of paper with me. i might shock myself.