Q&A – How Can I Expand My Small World?
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 03, 2012
Q: I’ve been lonely most of my life. I keep my
feelings to myself because I’m depressed and embarrassed. Do you have
suggestions on how to make social connections and expand my small world?
-Anne F.
A: Hi Anne,
You ask a great question about something that most people find rather easy to do. However, for some, engaging others and making social connections is both terrifying and unnerving. Nevertheless, like most things in life, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. With that said, let me offer you some simple and fundamental advice that I hope will help to expand your world. It will take a bit of bravery on your part but, if you try this, you may be amazed at what happens, because it holds the potential of changing your life.
I suggest that you view this as the first day of your new life. The first way to begin pushing through your discomfort and breaking free from your lonely existence is found in the power of asking questions. Asking simple open-ended questions (questions that demand more than a “yes or no” answer) is a straightforward and safe way of stepping out of your safety zone by putting the onus of talking on the other person. The second thing that you can do is intimately tied to the first, and that involves being a good listener. You do this by simply giving appropriate feedback as the person answers your question. Learning how to ask open-ended questions while practicing your listening skills will change your interactions with others in a positive, powerful and significant way.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com -Anne F.
A: Hi Anne,
You ask a great question about something that most people find rather easy to do. However, for some, engaging others and making social connections is both terrifying and unnerving. Nevertheless, like most things in life, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. With that said, let me offer you some simple and fundamental advice that I hope will help to expand your world. It will take a bit of bravery on your part but, if you try this, you may be amazed at what happens, because it holds the potential of changing your life.
I suggest that you view this as the first day of your new life. The first way to begin pushing through your discomfort and breaking free from your lonely existence is found in the power of asking questions. Asking simple open-ended questions (questions that demand more than a “yes or no” answer) is a straightforward and safe way of stepping out of your safety zone by putting the onus of talking on the other person. The second thing that you can do is intimately tied to the first, and that involves being a good listener. You do this by simply giving appropriate feedback as the person answers your question. Learning how to ask open-ended questions while practicing your listening skills will change your interactions with others in a positive, powerful and significant way.
Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
MY THOUGHTS
I find this question to be a great question, too - a question that we need to ask ourselves every time we feel that the 'walls" that confine the area where we move about are getting smaller and smaller. It's easy to blame the world and say that other people made our world small. But my question is - who asked you to retreat, to feel that way about yourself and about others?
Many times, we tell ourselves we are big failures because we keep on comparing ourselves to others - they have more money, nicer cars, bigger homes. There are people who would resent this, too. Because, deep inside, they feel they should be the one getting the aplomb.
It's hard to be social when we feel that we are nothing compared to others. But our social lives will be disastrous if we go out there to prove that we are "as much as" or "better".
To be lonely - or to be happy - is a personal decision. Come to think of it, being alone should not be equated with loneliness. The happiest people I know are those who know how to be content. They are happy reading a book, watching TV, playing solitaire - alone. They are also happy eating with someone, shopping with a friend, playing cards with them.
I think the trick is to open up. Opening up means taking the risk of getting hurt. Pain is as much as part of our journey as happiness is.
When we go out there socially, not everyone will like us. So what? I am sure, that at least one person will. And I prefer one really true friend than a hundred of so-called friends. How can you be lonely when you have that?
