To Fret or Not to Fret

It's a lazy morning for me.  Can't do much work.  Not until after the IT guys get their acts together and fix the bugs, or whatever, in the program or system I'm using.  The problem is huge.  And they've been working all weekend on it.  Still, nothing has happened.  Nothing is happening.  I'm beginning to think the system has some cancer that has no cure.

What do I do?

I can fret.  I like tying up work early in the week.  Ordinarily, the bulk of my work is almost done by mid-week and I take care of loose-ends as Friday comes.  

This week, I have every right(?) to fret.  I have a swimming party to go to this weekend.  And it looks like my laptop is coming with me. 

I was just in the mood to fret my heart out.  Then, U came across this poem.  Again. One of my favorites.

Comes the Dawn

After awhile you learn the subtle difference between holding
   a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn't mean security,
And you begin to learn that kisses aren't contracts
And presents aren't promises.
And you begin to accept your defeats with you head up and
   your eyes open.
With the grace of maturity, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build all your roads on today because
   tomorrow's ground is too uncertain for plans,
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After awhile you learn that even sunshine burns if you get
   too much.
So you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure...
That you really are strong
And that you really do have worth.
And you learn and learn and learn...
With every goodbye you learn.

Author: Veronica A. Shoftstall

How about you?  Wouldn't you also choose not to fret after you read this poem?  

If you want to be happy, if you're ready to be happy, listen to this poem with your heart.  Listen and listen well.  Until you learn...

Thank you, Lord, for lazy mornings.  I have no right to fret.

 

Why Do You Stay in bad Situations?

Why Do You Stay?

Daily Inspiration

By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach

Published May 13, 2011

 

Today I ask you to put on your thinking cap because I want you to consider a serious question. I’m also going to give a very wide berth for this question, as I’m not going to direct it at any specific area of your life. Your response may come from a work-related situation or an area of your personal life. With that said, I want you think about a situation you’re deeply involved in that’s difficult or even unacceptable to you. Now for my question… why do you stay?

As I ask that question, I already know that some of you will have good reasons for staying in bad situations. And I will even agree that, at times, staying in a bad or tough situation is the best thing to do in the short-term. So please don’t misinterpret my question as a message that infers staying is wrong. I only ask that you defend that choice today and revisit your decision. So again I ask… why do you stay?

 

My Thoughts 

 

All of a sudden, my thoughts are blocked.  The question sounded easy.  At first glance.  And then, you mull over it and, apparently, it's not an easy question at all.

 

Someone told me once, she couldn't understand why she stayed in the worst-relationship-ever for years.  In fact, she would still be in that relationship, if death did not solve the problem for her.

 

I told her it was probably like an addiction.  You know it's bad but you keep on craving for it.  I don't know if I was right.  Maybe yes.  Maybe not.

 

Only one thing I'm sure of.  Sometimes we do get into situations where we feel helpless and hopeless because there's no way out.  There's always a way out.  But there's also God timing.  If this is something you've prayed about, God will provide a way of escape, and will not make you take another step if He knows you can't handle it.

 

I don't know if I'm making sense.  But, didn't I say, my mind seems to have shut off? 

Who Asked You to Feel That Way?

Q&A – How Can I Expand My Small World?

Daily Inspiration

By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach

Published May 03, 2012

 

 

Q: I’ve been lonely most of my life. I keep my feelings to myself because I’m depressed and embarrassed. Do you have suggestions on how to make social connections and expand my small world?

-Anne F.

A: Hi Anne,

You ask a great question about something that most people find rather easy to do. However, for some, engaging others and making social connections is both terrifying and unnerving. Nevertheless, like most things in life, the more you do it, the easier it becomes. With that said, let me offer you some simple and fundamental advice that I hope will help to expand your world. It will take a bit of bravery on your part but, if you try this, you may be amazed at what happens, because it holds the potential of changing your life.

I suggest that you view this as the first day of your new life. The first way to begin pushing through your discomfort and breaking free from your lonely existence is found in the power of asking questions. Asking simple open-ended questions (questions that demand more than a “yes or no” answer) is a straightforward and safe way of stepping out of your safety zone by putting the onus of talking on the other person. The second thing that you can do is intimately tied to the first, and that involves being a good listener. You do this by simply giving appropriate feedback as the person answers your question. Learning how to ask open-ended questions while practicing your listening skills will change your interactions with others in a positive, powerful and significant way.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

www.innerdiet.com 

 

MY THOUGHTS

 

I find this question to be a great question, too - a question that we need to ask ourselves every time we feel that the 'walls" that confine the area where we move about are getting smaller and smaller.  It's easy to blame the world and say that other people made our world small.  But my question is - who asked you to retreat, to feel that way about yourself and about others?

Many times, we tell ourselves we are big failures because we keep on comparing ourselves to others - they have more money, nicer cars, bigger homes.  There are people who would resent this, too.  Because, deep inside, they feel they should be the one getting the aplomb.

It's hard to be social when we feel that we are nothing compared to others.  But our social lives will be disastrous if we go out there to prove that we are "as much as" or "better".

To be lonely - or to be happy - is a personal decision.  Come to think of it, being alone should not be equated with loneliness.  The happiest people I know are those who know how to be content.  They are happy reading a book, watching TV, playing solitaire - alone.  They are also happy eating with someone, shopping with a friend, playing cards with them.

I think the trick is to open up.  Opening up means taking the risk of getting hurt.  Pain is as much as part of our journey as happiness is.

When we go out there socially, not everyone will like us.  So what?  I am sure, that at least one person will.  And I prefer one really true friend than a hundred of so-called friends.  How can you be lonely when you have that?

The Pursuit of Happiness

Daily Inspiration

By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach

Published November 18, 2011

One of the most widely recognized sentences in the United States Declaration of Independence is the following: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable Rights that among these are Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness.” I was doing some research the other day when I ran across this sentence. As is often the case, this sentence struck me differently as it has in the past and gave me pause for thought. It is that thought, regarding the pursuit of happiness, which provides the platform for today’s daily reflection.

The pursuit of happiness is guaranteed to each one of us in the Declaration of Independence, but as I look around me daily, I’m sad to say we all don’t pursue this precious guarantee. With that said, let me ask you the following question: What do you actively do each day that contributes to the pursuit of happiness in your life? Are you mindful and purposeful as you pursue happiness, or do you rarely give it a second thought? Most people simply wander through their day hoping that happiness will miraculously show up at the front door. In my dictionary, however, the word pursuit indicates an active, dedicated and mindful search. If you don’t feel the warm and wondrous comfort of happiness in your life, I suggest you begin an active pursuit today. Just the thought of you doing so makes me very happy indeed!

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

www.innerdiet.com

Follow Dr. Sklare on Health Bistro!

My Thoughts

Dr.  Slake is right.  This indeed requires reflection.  Serious reflection, I might say.  

What do I actively do each day?  I never really gave this much thought.  I know what I do each day made me happy for that day.  I enjoy what I do.  I never really give much thought as to how much this would contribute to my happiness tomorrow?

I know I pursue things with passion.  Today.  Today.

What's Your Happiness Temperature?

The Happiness Scale
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published August 24, 2011

Today I want to talk about a topic that brings a smile to my face: happiness. For most people, happiness is the Holy Grail in life. However, countless people who achieve great financial success find themselves very unhappy. When all is said and done, money and material things don’t bring you true happiness. And just as the Holy Grail was said to possess miraculous powers, so does happiness. It brings with it a mysterious ability to lift your spirit and brighten your life. So, with happiness as our platform today, I offer you the following food for thought.

Take your happiness temperature on occasion. Since there is no actual medical tool for that evaluation, I have a question to help you see where you fall on the happiness scale. On a scale from 1 to 10, with 1 being the least and 10 being the most, how happy would you say you currently are? Give this some serious thought and be brave enough to be honest. Of course, this is an unscientific method and this number can change from minute to minute. Still, it is a self-report that will provide you with some important feedback about your general state of your happiness.

If you don’t score high on the happiness scale, why not make today the day you begin moving up by actively and mindfully seeking a happier life?

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare
www.innerdiet.com

MY THOUGHTS

I have another question-how do you know that you're happy?  I believe this is not just about laughing or smiling.  Well, maybe if you're laughing and smiling while alone.  Unless you're crazy of course.

ARE YOU SAD OR DEPRESSED?

Sadness vs. Depression
Daily Inspiration
By John H. Sklare, Ed.D, Lifescript Personal Coach
Published May 02, 2011

I receive a lot of messages from people who ask a very similar question: What’s the difference between sadness and depression? I bet many of you have asked yourself this very question in the past. After all, we all feel sadness on occasion. However, depression is a totally different animal than ordinary sadness.

Sadness is a normal human emotional state that typically follows some kind of loss, separation or upsetting event. Depression, on the other hand, can often have no activating event at all, and is accompanied by a much deeper, darker and more intense sense of hopelessness, isolation and emotional pain. Even though sadness contains many of the same elements as depression, sadness is a feeling that passes as one begins to deal with the issue at hand. But depression can linger for months or even years.

I read an interesting quote about the difference between these two emotional states. In a TV interview in 2006 following the loss of her husband, Gloria Steinem said, “I realized that in depression, nothing matters. And in sadness, everything matters.” Well said, Gloria!

If in doubt, however, the only way to truly know if you are clinically depressed is to get a professional opinion. According to mental health experts, depression is characterized by having five or more of the following symptoms on a daily basis:

Depressed mood.

Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or most, daily activities.

Significant weight changes or decrease or increase in appetite.

Insomnia or hypersomnia.

Psychomotor agitation or retardation.

Fatigue or loss of energy.

Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt.

Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness.

Recurrent thoughts of death or suicide, or a suicide attempt.


If you have these symptoms and think you may be suffering from depression, please make an appointment with your doctor or a therapist today. There is a way out of this darkness, but it can only begin with YOU taking action.

Wishing You Great Health,
Dr. John H. Sklare

MY THOUGHTS

Needless to say, it's okay to be sad from time to time. In fact, a good cry does some good sometimes. But depression is a serious matter that requires serious attention. If you have the symptoms, act on it now.

QUESTIONS TO ASK WHEN YOU'RE 100 YEARS OLD

Your Best Career Coach: The Future You
By Marshall Goldsmith | August 10, 2010

http://www.bnet.com/blog/marshall-goldsmith/your-best-career-coach-the-future-you/112?tag=content;drawer-container

The best coaching you’ll ever get will not come from another person. It will come from inside you.

Take a deep breath. Take a deeper breath. Imagine that you’re 100 years old and you’re getting ready to die. Before you take that last breath, you’re given a wonderful gift: the opportunity to go back in time and talk with the person who is reading this blog post today, to help this younger version of yourself have a better life — both personally and professionally.

What advice would the wise 100-year-old you — who finally knows what really mattered in life — have for the you that is reading this blog post? As you think of the older you, whatever advice comes to mind, just do that.

In terms of performance appraisals, this is the only one that will matter. At the end of the day, the only person that you will need to impress is that old person that will one day look back at you from the mirror. If that old person thinks that you did the right thing, you did. If that old person thinks that you made a mistake, you did. You don’t have to impress anyone else.

Some good friends of mine had the opportunity to ask old people who were facing death what advice they would have for their younger selves. Three themes emerged:

1. Be happy now. Don’t wait for next week, next month or next year. A common regret of old people was, “I got so focused on trying to get what I did not have, I failed to appreciate all that I did have. I had almost everything. I wish that I would’ve taken the time to appreciate it.”

I ‘ve asked thousand of parents around the world to complete this sentence, “When my children grow up, I want them to be…” One world is mentioned more than all of the other words combined — no matter what country I am in. What is that word? Happy.

Do you want your children to be happy? Do you want your parents to be happy? Do you want the people that love you to be happy? Do you want the people who respect you at work to be happy? Then, you go first. They want you to be happy, too.

2. Build relationships and help people, especially friends and family. When you’re 100 years old and you look around your death bed, no fellow employees will be waving good-bye. You’ll finally realize that your friends and family are the only ones that care. They are the ones that matter.

Of course, building relationships and helping people are also keys to ultimate satisfaction with your professional career. I have asked many retired CEOs an important question about their professional lives, “What were you most proud of?” So far, none have talked about how large their offices were. All they talked about were the people they helped.

The main reason to help people has nothing to do with money, status or promotion. The main reason is simple: the 100-year-old you will be proud of you if you did — and disappointed in you if you didn’t.

3. If you have a dream, go for it. If you don’t try to achieve your dreams when you are 25, you probably won’t when you are 45, 65 or 85. None of us will achieve all of our dreams. The key question is not, “Did I achieve all of my dreams?” The key question is, “Did I at least try?” Old people almost never regretted the risks they took that failed. They almost always regretted the risks that they failed to take.

No one else can tell you how to find happiness, who to love or where to find meaning. Only you can answer these questions. The best coaching that you will ever receive will not come from any other person, it will come from inside you.

So, what advice would the “old you” have for the you that just read this post? If you don’t mind sharing your thoughts with other readers, I’d love to hear them.

. Person, Professional Development, Performance Appraisal, Blogging, Performance Management, Team Management, Strategy, Career, Internet, Management, Karen Steen more +

MY THOUGHTS

You don't need to be a 100 years old to ask yourself these questions. Be happy now and you probably won't ask yourself these questions when your on your deathbed.