Your Best Career Coach: The Future You
By Marshall Goldsmith | August 10, 2010
http://www.bnet.com/blog/marshall-goldsmith/your-best-career-coach-the-future-you/112?tag=content;drawer-container
The best coaching you’ll ever get will not come from another person. It will come from inside you.
Take a deep breath. Take a deeper breath. Imagine that you’re 100 years old and you’re getting ready to die. Before you take that last breath, you’re given a wonderful gift: the opportunity to go back in time and talk with the person who is reading this blog post today, to help this younger version of yourself have a better life — both personally and professionally.
What advice would the wise 100-year-old you — who finally knows what really mattered in life — have for the you that is reading this blog post? As you think of the older you, whatever advice comes to mind, just do that.
In terms of performance appraisals, this is the only one that will matter. At the end of the day, the only person that you will need to impress is that old person that will one day look back at you from the mirror. If that old person thinks that you did the right thing, you did. If that old person thinks that you made a mistake, you did. You don’t have to impress anyone else.
Some good friends of mine had the opportunity to ask old people who were facing death what advice they would have for their younger selves. Three themes emerged:
1. Be happy now. Don’t wait for next week, next month or next year. A common regret of old people was, “I got so focused on trying to get what I did not have, I failed to appreciate all that I did have. I had almost everything. I wish that I would’ve taken the time to appreciate it.”
I ‘ve asked thousand of parents around the world to complete this sentence, “When my children grow up, I want them to be…” One world is mentioned more than all of the other words combined — no matter what country I am in. What is that word? Happy.
Do you want your children to be happy? Do you want your parents to be happy? Do you want the people that love you to be happy? Do you want the people who respect you at work to be happy? Then, you go first. They want you to be happy, too.
2. Build relationships and help people, especially friends and family. When you’re 100 years old and you look around your death bed, no fellow employees will be waving good-bye. You’ll finally realize that your friends and family are the only ones that care. They are the ones that matter.
Of course, building relationships and helping people are also keys to ultimate satisfaction with your professional career. I have asked many retired CEOs an important question about their professional lives, “What were you most proud of?” So far, none have talked about how large their offices were. All they talked about were the people they helped.
The main reason to help people has nothing to do with money, status or promotion. The main reason is simple: the 100-year-old you will be proud of you if you did — and disappointed in you if you didn’t.
3. If you have a dream, go for it. If you don’t try to achieve your dreams when you are 25, you probably won’t when you are 45, 65 or 85. None of us will achieve all of our dreams. The key question is not, “Did I achieve all of my dreams?” The key question is, “Did I at least try?” Old people almost never regretted the risks they took that failed. They almost always regretted the risks that they failed to take.
No one else can tell you how to find happiness, who to love or where to find meaning. Only you can answer these questions. The best coaching that you will ever receive will not come from any other person, it will come from inside you.
So, what advice would the “old you” have for the you that just read this post? If you don’t mind sharing your thoughts with other readers, I’d love to hear them.
. Person, Professional Development, Performance Appraisal, Blogging, Performance Management, Team Management, Strategy, Career, Internet, Management, Karen Steen more +
MY THOUGHTS
You don't need to be a 100 years old to ask yourself these questions. Be happy now and you probably won't ask yourself these questions when your on your deathbed.
Sunday, April 17, 2011
Friday, April 8, 2011
ACT LIKE A LUNATIC AND BE HAPPY
Press Release: How Acting Like A Lunatic Can Make You A Much Happier Person: Radical Counselor Releases New Video Series
March 10th, 2011 • View Comments • Filed Under • by ABMN Staff
http://www.americanbankingnews.com/2011/03/10/how-acting-like-a-lunatic-can-make-you-a-much-happier-person-radical-counselor-releases-new-video-series/
How Acting Like A Lunatic Can Make You A Much Happier Person: Radical Counselor Releases New Video Series
The last decade has seen the merging of alternative medicine into mainstream medical culture. Today, yoga practitioners often have their health insurance providers foot their bills, and doctors mention treatments like homeopathy without batting an eye. None of this, however, quite prepares you for a mental health specialist who recommends spinning around in circles while screaming at the top of your lungs in undecipherable gibberish.
“It’s good for you,” explains Tim Grimes. “It will loosen you up right away.”
Grimes’ theories on relaxation and stress are about to be released to the general public for the first time, with the unveiling of a multi-disc video series simply titled "Stop Being Serious."
In a culture where a growing number of people are reliant on practices like meditation and yoga as a form of stress relief, Grimes has offered up something that appears vastly different. He advocates for people to become less serious, and says the best way to do that is not by sitting down and breathing deeply. It is by acting – for all intents and purposes – a little crazy.
“We have been taught that the best way to relax is to calm down,” Grimes says, “but that is not always true.”
Like many of a new generation of therapists, Grimes is interested in mindfulness and how people directly relate to their thoughts. The difference is in what he recommends his clients do to become mindful.
In a process he calls “spazzing out,” Grimes will have clients move their bodies around at a frantic pace. They might swing their arms around wildly while belting out a show tune, or vigorously hop up and down as if in a cartoon. Seeing someone in a state like this, you might assume the person is mentally disturbed. But for Grimes, who refers to himself as a Radical Counselor, the opposite is true.
“When people really physically let loose like this and just act ridiculously with their bodies, all of a sudden their minds become very relaxed.”
While most mental health clients are told to slow down in order to relax their minds, Grimes allows his followers to speed up. In his opinion, we only suffer because we take our thoughts too seriously. If we are overwhelmed with the state of our mind, when we have particularly dark thoughts we are often not able to handle them. We become lethargic and sad – or sometimes deeply depressed.
This is why Grimes says that putting someone in a quiet, contemplative place with their negative thoughts can be beneficial, but also have drawbacks.
“Sometimes you don’t want to be alone with those bad thoughts, sitting down meditating so seriously in a silent room,” he says.
Grimes does not believe much in contemplation when it comes to mental health. He thinks if we move around enough, and behave ridiculously with our body and our voice, the negative thoughts that bother us will have no other option but to go away.
“It’s impossible,” Grimes says with a wry grin, “to feel bad if you are acting as goofy as I suggest.”
And how “goofy” is that? Grimes often recommends people speak in funny, unnatural voices (like those of a baby or an animal) for hours on end. He recommends yelling, sometimes at people. He says a good form of exercise is to go to a park and sprint in circles while singing a song you like. All his recommendations seem to push the envelope, and easily delve into the bizarre.
But they also seem to work.
“What Tim shows people is how reliant emotionally they are on their thoughts,” Kate Daly says. Daly is a clinical social worker in Boston, and Grimes’ partner.
“What he suggests seems pretty wild until you try it,” Daly says with a laugh. “I mean it is wild. But once you do it, it is also fun and extremely liberating. It’s very freeing.”
She has a point. While there has been an added therapeutic emphasis put on the mind-body relationship in recent years, there are few mental health specialists who have provided as much tangible evidence of this unique relationship as Grimes. Perhaps there is no better way of understanding our body and how it affects our thinking than to jump up and down while making strange noises normally reserved for the primate exhibit at the zoo. Moving your body excitedly as Grimes suggests, or speaking in comic babble, makes you stop regarding yourself as a serious grown up. Which seems to be exactly what Grimes is trying to get at.
“Look at kids,” Grimes says leaning back in his chair, “they aren’t nearly as stressed out as we are. And you know why? It’s because they aren’t worried about what they’re thinking. We’re worried about our thoughts all the time. We’re so serious! Of course we’re depressed.”
Grimes is happy with "Stop Being Serious," and he has reason to be. Even if you think the behavior he recommends for stress-relief is nonsense with no scientific bearing, there is a certain philosophical underpinning to the videos that is hard to deny. At one point in the series Grimes says it is impossible to suffer except when we are serious. In a normal setting it would be easy to refute such a statement, but after watching Grimes expound on the neurotic relationship we have with our thinking, it is harder to come up with much of a counterpunch to his argument.
For Grimes, theories cannot supersede actual physical experience. This makes him a bit of an anomaly in the world of mental health. He has no problem discussing ideas as to why we suffer, it is just that he gives them less credence than most because of his unwavering faith in how our body influences our thinking and emotions. Throughout “Stop Being Serious” he cajoles the viewer with how easy it is to behave less seriously. And that might be the scary part. It is actually very simple to do what Grimes recommends. Maybe the ease of turning into an unbridled primitive makes us face the fact that we are all much more alike than we care to admit.
“You can call me crazy. That’s all right,” Grimes says calmly.
We smile slightly, because we know the one thing this man is not, is crazy.
###
For the original version on PRWeb visit: http://www.prweb.com/releases/prweb2011/stop-being-serious/prweb5146884.htm
MY THOUGHTS
It does sound crazy! But think of the times you felt so much better after treating yourself less seriously. However, I think this suggestion should be for mature people only. There is danger for this to be taken out of context.
March 10th, 2011 • View Comments • Filed Under • by ABMN Staff
http://www.americanbankingnews.com/2011/03/10/how-acting-like-a-lunatic-can-make-you-a-much-happier-person-radical-counselor-releases-new-video-series/
How Acting Like A Lunatic Can Make You A Much Happier Person: Radical Counselor Releases New Video Series
The last decade has seen the merging of alternative medicine into mainstream medical culture. Today, yoga practitioners often have their health insurance providers foot their bills, and doctors mention treatments like homeopathy without batting an eye. None of this, however, quite prepares you for a mental health specialist who recommends spinning around in circles while screaming at the top of your lungs in undecipherable gibberish.
“It’s good for you,” explains Tim Grimes. “It will loosen you up right away.”
Grimes’ theories on relaxation and stress are about to be released to the general public for the first time, with the unveiling of a multi-disc video series simply titled "Stop Being Serious."
In a culture where a growing number of people are reliant on practices like meditation and yoga as a form of stress relief, Grimes has offered up something that appears vastly different. He advocates for people to become less serious, and says the best way to do that is not by sitting down and breathing deeply. It is by acting – for all intents and purposes – a little crazy.
“We have been taught that the best way to relax is to calm down,” Grimes says, “but that is not always true.”
Like many of a new generation of therapists, Grimes is interested in mindfulness and how people directly relate to their thoughts. The difference is in what he recommends his clients do to become mindful.
In a process he calls “spazzing out,” Grimes will have clients move their bodies around at a frantic pace. They might swing their arms around wildly while belting out a show tune, or vigorously hop up and down as if in a cartoon. Seeing someone in a state like this, you might assume the person is mentally disturbed. But for Grimes, who refers to himself as a Radical Counselor, the opposite is true.
“When people really physically let loose like this and just act ridiculously with their bodies, all of a sudden their minds become very relaxed.”
While most mental health clients are told to slow down in order to relax their minds, Grimes allows his followers to speed up. In his opinion, we only suffer because we take our thoughts too seriously. If we are overwhelmed with the state of our mind, when we have particularly dark thoughts we are often not able to handle them. We become lethargic and sad – or sometimes deeply depressed.
This is why Grimes says that putting someone in a quiet, contemplative place with their negative thoughts can be beneficial, but also have drawbacks.
“Sometimes you don’t want to be alone with those bad thoughts, sitting down meditating so seriously in a silent room,” he says.
Grimes does not believe much in contemplation when it comes to mental health. He thinks if we move around enough, and behave ridiculously with our body and our voice, the negative thoughts that bother us will have no other option but to go away.
“It’s impossible,” Grimes says with a wry grin, “to feel bad if you are acting as goofy as I suggest.”
And how “goofy” is that? Grimes often recommends people speak in funny, unnatural voices (like those of a baby or an animal) for hours on end. He recommends yelling, sometimes at people. He says a good form of exercise is to go to a park and sprint in circles while singing a song you like. All his recommendations seem to push the envelope, and easily delve into the bizarre.
But they also seem to work.
“What Tim shows people is how reliant emotionally they are on their thoughts,” Kate Daly says. Daly is a clinical social worker in Boston, and Grimes’ partner.
“What he suggests seems pretty wild until you try it,” Daly says with a laugh. “I mean it is wild. But once you do it, it is also fun and extremely liberating. It’s very freeing.”
She has a point. While there has been an added therapeutic emphasis put on the mind-body relationship in recent years, there are few mental health specialists who have provided as much tangible evidence of this unique relationship as Grimes. Perhaps there is no better way of understanding our body and how it affects our thinking than to jump up and down while making strange noises normally reserved for the primate exhibit at the zoo. Moving your body excitedly as Grimes suggests, or speaking in comic babble, makes you stop regarding yourself as a serious grown up. Which seems to be exactly what Grimes is trying to get at.
“Look at kids,” Grimes says leaning back in his chair, “they aren’t nearly as stressed out as we are. And you know why? It’s because they aren’t worried about what they’re thinking. We’re worried about our thoughts all the time. We’re so serious! Of course we’re depressed.”
Grimes is happy with "Stop Being Serious," and he has reason to be. Even if you think the behavior he recommends for stress-relief is nonsense with no scientific bearing, there is a certain philosophical underpinning to the videos that is hard to deny. At one point in the series Grimes says it is impossible to suffer except when we are serious. In a normal setting it would be easy to refute such a statement, but after watching Grimes expound on the neurotic relationship we have with our thinking, it is harder to come up with much of a counterpunch to his argument.
For Grimes, theories cannot supersede actual physical experience. This makes him a bit of an anomaly in the world of mental health. He has no problem discussing ideas as to why we suffer, it is just that he gives them less credence than most because of his unwavering faith in how our body influences our thinking and emotions. Throughout “Stop Being Serious” he cajoles the viewer with how easy it is to behave less seriously. And that might be the scary part. It is actually very simple to do what Grimes recommends. Maybe the ease of turning into an unbridled primitive makes us face the fact that we are all much more alike than we care to admit.
“You can call me crazy. That’s all right,” Grimes says calmly.
We smile slightly, because we know the one thing this man is not, is crazy.
###
For the original version on PRWeb visit: http://www.prweb.com/releases/prweb2011/stop-being-serious/prweb5146884.htm
MY THOUGHTS
It does sound crazy! But think of the times you felt so much better after treating yourself less seriously. However, I think this suggestion should be for mature people only. There is danger for this to be taken out of context.
FEELING RICH
"He that hopes to look back hereafter with satisfaction upon past years must learn to know the present value of single minutes."
Samuel Johnson
The Most Important Thing I Ever Learned About Living Rich
By Michael Masterson
The most important thing I ever learned about "living rich" was taught to me by a former rich guy who dropped out of the moneymaking game to study Chinese philosophy and teach Tai Chi.
Jeff and I had been friends since high school. Twenty-five years ago, when we were still relatively young men, we were partners in a merchandise vending business that was making lots of money. Jeff's annual compensation was in the mid six-figure range.
One day he quit. Since then, he has supported himself as a consultant and by teaching Chinese martial arts. His departure from business did not diminish our relationship in any way. Rather, it allowed us to pursue different careers and compare notes along the way.
I've written about Jeff before. He is a serious and careful thinker. And we've been having two or three extended conversations over the years - ongoing discussions about topics in which we are both interested.
We talk about ontology. We talk about sexuality. We talk about aging and health. One thing we rarely discuss is money. But several months ago the subject did come up, and it changed my developing understanding of wealth.
I mentioned to Jeff that I was working on a book about "living rich." I explained that my thesis was that one didn't need a ton of money to live well. I explained that most wannabe rich people spend too much money on the symbols of wealth, things that don't matter. And they spend too little money on things that do matter... like mattresses.
"Mattresses?" Jeff raised an eyebrow.
"The average person spends seven or eight hours sleeping every night," I said. "But when it comes time to buy a mattress, he looks for bargains. Yet the best mattress in the world will last ten times longer than a cheap one, and will provide him with tens of thousands of hours of good sleep."
Jeff listened to me, amused, and then he asked: "What do you think of when you think of wealth?"
Besides being an expert in ancient Chinese philosophy, Jeff is a master of the Socratic dialogue. I knew that this question was just the first step of a walk I would be taking with him. I gamely went along.
"I'm not sure. I guess I think about the symbols - the big houses with swimming pools and fancy cars."
"That's interesting," he said. "Now do this: Imagine yourself lying on a lounge chair next to a swimming pool next to a huge house with a big black car on the side."
I closed my eyes and did as he asked.
"Do you have yourself in the picture?" Jeff asked.
"Yes," I told him.
"And how do you feel?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said. "Good."
"Can you be more precise?"
I focused on the feeling. "Tranquil," I said. "And safe."
"That's interesting," he said.
We didn't talk any more about it that day. But that's typical of our conversations. They progress.
It intrigued me that the feelings I associated with wealth were very different than I would have guessed. Tranquil? Safe? Really?
A month later, Jeff and I had lunch at one of his favorite restaurants in Palm Beach, a small Italian bistro. When I arrived, Jeff was seated at his usual table, chatting with Giuseppe, the maitre d'. He stood to embrace me, and then offered me a glass of Prosecco from the half bottle that was chilling at the table.
This was going to be a long, luxurious lunch. First we had the sparkling wine. Then we had appetizers, then the main course, and, finally, espressos outside on the patio so I could enjoy a cigar.
When I eat by myself, I eat quickly - almost furiously. It is as if I see eating as a necessary evil. The faster I can get it done, the sooner I can go back to work.
But with Jeff, eating is very different. It is slow. It is deliberate. It is conscious. Jeff talks about the menu du jour. He savors the wine. He relishes the food. Time slows down, and I feel myself becoming more aware of the luxuriousness of the experience.
Sitting on the patio after lunch, sipping our espressos, I brought up our previous discussion.
"I've been thinking about how I feel when I think about wealth," I told him.
"And..." said Jeff.
I told him that I thought my feelings about wealth came from my early childhood. We were a family of 10 living on a teacher's income. We were the poorest family on Maple Street, which was one of the poorest streets in town. The feeling I had then was a combination of anxiety (the fear that my schoolmates would despise me for being poor) and embarrassment (because of the clothes I wore, the lunches my mother packed, etc.). I told Jeff that I realized my adult feelings about wealth - tranquility and safety - were the opposite of the feelings I had when I was poor - anxiety and fear.
"That's interesting," he said.
After a moment, he said, "Michael, you have been very successful in the acquisition of wealth - more successful than 99% of those people who seek it. Are you saying now that your pursuit of wealth was actually a pursuit of the two childhood feelings you associated with wealth?"
"Yes," I said.
He nodded. "And what percentage of your time have you spent working to make money and buy the symbols of wealth?"
"Lots of time," I admitted.
"And yet you found that when you had the money and the house and the cars, you still didn't always have the feelings you were seeking?"
"Right."
"Now let me ask you this. Have you ever spent any time trying to feel wealthy?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean seeking the feelings rather than the things?"
I admitted that I had spent almost no time doing that.
"And how often do you feel wealthy?" he asked.
"Not that often," I admitted.
"When was the last time you felt wealthy?"
"I feel wealthy now," I told him.
He nodded again.
"Let's take a walk," he said. "There's a little store near here that has a great selection of international magazines."
We meandered over to the store and spent 20 minutes looking through French and Italian and Japanese magazines that I had never seen before. The pace, like the pace of our lunch, was leisurely - almost languid. And that somehow opened me up. It gave me ideas for some of the magazines I publish. It gave me thoughts about art projects I might start. It left me feeling inspired... and something else. It left me feeling richer.
So this was, I realized, another feeling I had when I felt wealthy. It was the feeling of acquisition - not of things but inspiration and knowledge.
That was an "Aha!" moment for me.
I had spent most of my adult life stressing myself to acquire the symbols of wealth, yet I seldom felt wealthy. Jeff, on the other hand, had left the world of acquiring financial wealth, yet enjoyed the feeling of wealth most of the time!
Jeff doesn't eschew the material aspects of wealth. Beautiful things and elegant service are real, and he knows that. But he understands something about those things that most rich people don't: Having them doesn't give you the feeling you are looking for. You get that feeling from being conscious of and enjoying them.
Instead of buying a yacht that costs millions and must be maintained by a staff of people and worried about all year long, Jeff reads about yachts and then goes to yacht shows to experience the boats he has read about. Instead of buying a $6 million condo in Aspen, Jeff is happy to spend three days vacationing there at the Little Nell hotel.
The feeling of wealth for me now has three elements: tranquility, safety, and emotional or intellectual enrichment.
You get the tranquility, Jeff has taught me, by simply slowing down. When you slow down, you can pay attention to what you are experiencing. You can savor the wine. You can taste the food. You can smell the roses.
You get the feeling of safety by not spending more than you can afford. This you can do on a budget by banishing the illusion that you need to own everything. Since learning this lesson from Jeff, my wife and I experienced the rich ambiance of the George Cinq Hotel in Paris without booking a $1,500 room. We spent an amazing 90 minutes in the terrace bistro drinking wine.
You need money - lots of money - to own the symbols of wealth. But you get the feeling of emotional and intellectual enrichment by understanding what makes you feel rich, seeking it out, and being fully aware of the experience. Again: Smell the roses!
[Ed. Note: Michael Masterson welcomes your questions and comments. Send him a message at http://www.earlytorise.com/contact-us/.]
MY THOUGHTS
I hate what I'm going to say next. I have to agree that without wealth, it is hard to feel 'tranquil and safe'. People who do not have money cannot 'stop to smell the roses'. They are too busy trying to make ends meet. I have no idea how poor people can find ways to 'feel wealthy'. It's a disturbing thought.
Samuel Johnson
The Most Important Thing I Ever Learned About Living Rich
By Michael Masterson
The most important thing I ever learned about "living rich" was taught to me by a former rich guy who dropped out of the moneymaking game to study Chinese philosophy and teach Tai Chi.
Jeff and I had been friends since high school. Twenty-five years ago, when we were still relatively young men, we were partners in a merchandise vending business that was making lots of money. Jeff's annual compensation was in the mid six-figure range.
One day he quit. Since then, he has supported himself as a consultant and by teaching Chinese martial arts. His departure from business did not diminish our relationship in any way. Rather, it allowed us to pursue different careers and compare notes along the way.
I've written about Jeff before. He is a serious and careful thinker. And we've been having two or three extended conversations over the years - ongoing discussions about topics in which we are both interested.
We talk about ontology. We talk about sexuality. We talk about aging and health. One thing we rarely discuss is money. But several months ago the subject did come up, and it changed my developing understanding of wealth.
I mentioned to Jeff that I was working on a book about "living rich." I explained that my thesis was that one didn't need a ton of money to live well. I explained that most wannabe rich people spend too much money on the symbols of wealth, things that don't matter. And they spend too little money on things that do matter... like mattresses.
"Mattresses?" Jeff raised an eyebrow.
"The average person spends seven or eight hours sleeping every night," I said. "But when it comes time to buy a mattress, he looks for bargains. Yet the best mattress in the world will last ten times longer than a cheap one, and will provide him with tens of thousands of hours of good sleep."
Jeff listened to me, amused, and then he asked: "What do you think of when you think of wealth?"
Besides being an expert in ancient Chinese philosophy, Jeff is a master of the Socratic dialogue. I knew that this question was just the first step of a walk I would be taking with him. I gamely went along.
"I'm not sure. I guess I think about the symbols - the big houses with swimming pools and fancy cars."
"That's interesting," he said. "Now do this: Imagine yourself lying on a lounge chair next to a swimming pool next to a huge house with a big black car on the side."
I closed my eyes and did as he asked.
"Do you have yourself in the picture?" Jeff asked.
"Yes," I told him.
"And how do you feel?" he asked.
"I don't know," I said. "Good."
"Can you be more precise?"
I focused on the feeling. "Tranquil," I said. "And safe."
"That's interesting," he said.
We didn't talk any more about it that day. But that's typical of our conversations. They progress.
It intrigued me that the feelings I associated with wealth were very different than I would have guessed. Tranquil? Safe? Really?
A month later, Jeff and I had lunch at one of his favorite restaurants in Palm Beach, a small Italian bistro. When I arrived, Jeff was seated at his usual table, chatting with Giuseppe, the maitre d'. He stood to embrace me, and then offered me a glass of Prosecco from the half bottle that was chilling at the table.
This was going to be a long, luxurious lunch. First we had the sparkling wine. Then we had appetizers, then the main course, and, finally, espressos outside on the patio so I could enjoy a cigar.
When I eat by myself, I eat quickly - almost furiously. It is as if I see eating as a necessary evil. The faster I can get it done, the sooner I can go back to work.
But with Jeff, eating is very different. It is slow. It is deliberate. It is conscious. Jeff talks about the menu du jour. He savors the wine. He relishes the food. Time slows down, and I feel myself becoming more aware of the luxuriousness of the experience.
Sitting on the patio after lunch, sipping our espressos, I brought up our previous discussion.
"I've been thinking about how I feel when I think about wealth," I told him.
"And..." said Jeff.
I told him that I thought my feelings about wealth came from my early childhood. We were a family of 10 living on a teacher's income. We were the poorest family on Maple Street, which was one of the poorest streets in town. The feeling I had then was a combination of anxiety (the fear that my schoolmates would despise me for being poor) and embarrassment (because of the clothes I wore, the lunches my mother packed, etc.). I told Jeff that I realized my adult feelings about wealth - tranquility and safety - were the opposite of the feelings I had when I was poor - anxiety and fear.
"That's interesting," he said.
After a moment, he said, "Michael, you have been very successful in the acquisition of wealth - more successful than 99% of those people who seek it. Are you saying now that your pursuit of wealth was actually a pursuit of the two childhood feelings you associated with wealth?"
"Yes," I said.
He nodded. "And what percentage of your time have you spent working to make money and buy the symbols of wealth?"
"Lots of time," I admitted.
"And yet you found that when you had the money and the house and the cars, you still didn't always have the feelings you were seeking?"
"Right."
"Now let me ask you this. Have you ever spent any time trying to feel wealthy?"
"What do you mean?" I asked.
"I mean seeking the feelings rather than the things?"
I admitted that I had spent almost no time doing that.
"And how often do you feel wealthy?" he asked.
"Not that often," I admitted.
"When was the last time you felt wealthy?"
"I feel wealthy now," I told him.
He nodded again.
"Let's take a walk," he said. "There's a little store near here that has a great selection of international magazines."
We meandered over to the store and spent 20 minutes looking through French and Italian and Japanese magazines that I had never seen before. The pace, like the pace of our lunch, was leisurely - almost languid. And that somehow opened me up. It gave me ideas for some of the magazines I publish. It gave me thoughts about art projects I might start. It left me feeling inspired... and something else. It left me feeling richer.
So this was, I realized, another feeling I had when I felt wealthy. It was the feeling of acquisition - not of things but inspiration and knowledge.
That was an "Aha!" moment for me.
I had spent most of my adult life stressing myself to acquire the symbols of wealth, yet I seldom felt wealthy. Jeff, on the other hand, had left the world of acquiring financial wealth, yet enjoyed the feeling of wealth most of the time!
Jeff doesn't eschew the material aspects of wealth. Beautiful things and elegant service are real, and he knows that. But he understands something about those things that most rich people don't: Having them doesn't give you the feeling you are looking for. You get that feeling from being conscious of and enjoying them.
Instead of buying a yacht that costs millions and must be maintained by a staff of people and worried about all year long, Jeff reads about yachts and then goes to yacht shows to experience the boats he has read about. Instead of buying a $6 million condo in Aspen, Jeff is happy to spend three days vacationing there at the Little Nell hotel.
The feeling of wealth for me now has three elements: tranquility, safety, and emotional or intellectual enrichment.
You get the tranquility, Jeff has taught me, by simply slowing down. When you slow down, you can pay attention to what you are experiencing. You can savor the wine. You can taste the food. You can smell the roses.
You get the feeling of safety by not spending more than you can afford. This you can do on a budget by banishing the illusion that you need to own everything. Since learning this lesson from Jeff, my wife and I experienced the rich ambiance of the George Cinq Hotel in Paris without booking a $1,500 room. We spent an amazing 90 minutes in the terrace bistro drinking wine.
You need money - lots of money - to own the symbols of wealth. But you get the feeling of emotional and intellectual enrichment by understanding what makes you feel rich, seeking it out, and being fully aware of the experience. Again: Smell the roses!
[Ed. Note: Michael Masterson welcomes your questions and comments. Send him a message at http://www.earlytorise.com/contact-us/.]
MY THOUGHTS
I hate what I'm going to say next. I have to agree that without wealth, it is hard to feel 'tranquil and safe'. People who do not have money cannot 'stop to smell the roses'. They are too busy trying to make ends meet. I have no idea how poor people can find ways to 'feel wealthy'. It's a disturbing thought.
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