12 Ways to Turn Around a Terrible Day
By Jessica Stillman | November 9, 2010
We all have lousy days. You know the kind I mean — problem clients, cranky co-workers, bad evaluations or personal life stress collide and make for a really epic bad mood (and for some reason it always seems to be raining). So what can you do when the universe seems to conspire to make your life unpleasant? Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project, comes to the rescue with tips, and not just two or three. On her blog she offers a whopping 12 ways to deal with a terrible day (which is good, sometimes you need all the help you can get.)
Resist the urge to “treat” yourself. Often, the things we choose as “treats” aren’t good for us. The pleasure lasts a minute, but then feelings of guilt, loss of control, and other negative consequences just deepen the lousiness of the day.
Do something nice for someone else. “Do good, feel good” – this really works. Be selfless, if only for selfish reasons.
Distract yourself. When my older daughter was born, she had to be in Neonatal Intensive Care for a week. I spent every hour at the hospital, until my husband dragged me away to go to an afternoon movie. I didn’t want to go, but afterward, I realized that I was much better able to cope with the situation after having had a bit of relief.
Seek inner peace through outer order. Soothe yourself by tackling a messy closet, an untidy desk, or crowded countertops. The sense of tangible progress, control, and orderliness can be a comfort.
Tell yourself, “Well, at least I…” Get some things accomplished. Yes, you had a horrible day, but at least you went to the gym, or played with your kids, or walked the dog, or recycled.
Exercise is an extremely effective mood booster – but be careful of exercise that allows you to ruminate. For example, if I go for a walk when I’m upset about something, I often end up feeling worse, because the walk provides me with uninterrupted time in which to dwell obsessively on my troubles.
Stay in contact. When you’re having a lousy day, it’s tempting to retreat into isolation. Studies show, though, that contact with other people boosts mood.
Things really will look brighter in the morning. Go to bed early and start the next day anew. Also, sleep deprivation puts a drag on mood in the best of circumstances, so a little extra sleep will do you good.
Remind yourself of your other identities. If you feel like a loser at work, send out a blast email to engage with college friends. If you think members of the PTA are mad at you, don’t miss the spinning class where everyone knows and likes you.
Keep perspective. Ask yourself: “Will this matter in a month? In a year?”
Write it down. When something horrible is consuming my mind, I find that if I write up a paragraph or two about the situation, I get immense relief.
Be grateful. Remind yourself that a lousy day isn’t a catastrophic day. Be grateful that you’re still on the “lousy” spectrum. Probably, things could be worse.
MY THOUGHTS
well, monday was that kind of day! my boss made me go on a rest day today. i attacked my closets. i attacked the bathroom. but i padlocked the ref. and yes i walked for half an hour. and went dancing foralmost 2 hours. i feel so much better. actually, i felt better last night. after i prayed. still,i don't know if the incident will never matter again. i need to pray more about it.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
Saturday, November 13, 2010
What Makes People Happy?
Psychologists now know what makes people happy
By Marilyn Elias
http://www.biopsychiatry.com/happiness/
The happiest people surround themselves with family and friends, don't care about keeping up with the Joneses next door, lose themselves in daily activities and, most important, forgive easily.
The once-fuzzy picture of what makes people happy is coming into focus as psychologists no longer shun the study of happiness. In the mid-'90s, scientific journals published about 100 studies on sadness for every one study on happiness.
Now a burgeoning "positive psychology" movement that emphasizes people's strengths and talents instead of their weaknesses is rapidly closing the gap, says University of Pennsylvania psychologist Martin E. P. Seligman, author of the new book, Authentic Happiness. The work of Seligman and other experts in the field is in the early stages, but they are already starting to see why some people are happy while others are not: The happiest people spend the least time alone. They pursue personal growth and intimacy; they judge themselves by their own yardsticks, never against what others do or have.
"Materialism is toxic for happiness," says University of Illinois psychologist Ed Diener. Even rich materialists aren't as happy as those who care less about getting and spending.
Because the December holidays are friend- and family-oriented, they painfully reveal the intimacy missing in some lives, Diener says. Add in the commercial emphasis - keeping up with the Joneses and the Christmas enjoyed by the Joneses' kids - "and it's a setup for disappointment," he says. And yet some people manage to look on the bright side, even if they lose their jobs in December. Others live in darkness all year for no apparent reason. A person's cheer level is about half genetic, scientists say.
Everyone has a "set point" for happiness, just as they do for weight, Seligman says. People can improve or hinder their well-being, but they aren't likely to take long leaps in either direction from their set point.
Even physical health, assumed by many to be key to happiness, only has an impact if people are very ill. Objective health measures don't relate to life satisfaction, but subjective feelings do. Plenty of healthy people take their health for granted and are none the happier for it, Diener points out. Meanwhile, the sickly often bear up well, and hypochondriacs cling to misery despite their robust health.
Good feelings aren't "all in the head," though. Actions matter, just not in the way often believed.
Life satisfaction occurs most often when people are engaged in absorbing activities that cause them to forget themselves, lose track of time and stop worrying. "Flow" is the term Claremont Graduate University psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced cheeks-sent-mee-hi) coined to describe this phenomenon.
People in flow may be sewing up a storm, doing brain surgery, playing a musical instrument or working a hard puzzle with their child. The impact is the same: A life of many activities in flow is likely to be a life of great satisfaction, Csikszentmihalyi says. And you don't have to be a hotshot to get there.
"One of the happiest men I ever met was a 64-year-old Chicago welder with a fourth-grade education," he says. The man took immense pride in his work, refusing a promotion to foreman that would have kept him from what he loved to do. He spent evenings looking at the rock garden he built, with sprinklers and floodlights set up to create rainbows.
Teenagers experience flow, too, and are the happiest if they consider many activities "both work and play," Csikszentmihalyi says. Flow stretches someone but pleasurably so, not beyond his capacity. "People feel best when doing what they do best," he says.
Everyone has "signature strengths," Seligman adds, and the happiest use them. Doing so can lead to choices that astound others but yield lasting satisfaction.
Signature strengths
That's what happened to Greg and Tierney Fairchild. He was a Ph.D. candidate at Columbia, and she'd already earned a Ph.D., when they learned that the child she was carrying had Down syndrome, along with a serious heart defect requiring surgery.
In the Fairchilds' intellectual circle of friends, some viewed having a retarded child as unthinkable - and let them know it. Lots of people, including some family members, assumed they'd opt for abortion. After thoroughly exploring all the angles - medical, practical and emotional - they decided to keep their daughter, Naia.
"We're pro-choice, so it's not that we wouldn't get an abortion under some circumstances, or think that others could make a different choice here," Greg says.
They were leading with their strength. An interracial couple, they both had long histories of taking bold, less traveled paths rather than following the parade.
Greg was the first black on his high school track team at a Southern, mostly white school; he became student body president. Tierney was the only MBA student at her university also getting a Ph.D. in education because she wanted to train executives.
And they chose each other, despite all the stares of bigots they knew they'd face forever.
"We haven't shied away from tough choices," Greg says, "and we've been able to persevere through some difficulties other people might not have been able to."
Tierney says, "We thought having Naia would be a challenge, but we really wanted her, and just because something's a challenge, I'm not the type to turn away."
Their struggles are depicted in the new book, Choosing Naia by Mitchell Zuckoff.
That was a few years ago. Now Naia is a 4-year-old people magnet with a great sense of humor, the first Down syndrome child to be "mainstreamed" at the preschool for University of Virginia staff. (Greg teaches in the business school.) She walked late, talked late and is potty-training late - just as her parents expected. "And so what?" Tierney asks. "She's brought us a huge amount of joy because she's such a happy child."
Tierney, who is manager of executive education at United Technologies Corp., feared she'd have to quit work to care for Naia, but that wasn't necessary. Tierney and Greg gave Naia a baby brother, Cole, 22 months ago. "We're so grateful for these kids," Greg says.
Gratitude helps
Gratitude has a lot to do with life satisfaction, psychologists say. Talking and writing about what they're grateful for amplifies adults' happiness, new studies show. Other researchers have found that learning to savor even small pleasures has the same effect. And forgiveness is the trait most strongly linked to happiness, says University of Michigan psychologist Christopher Peterson.
"It's the queen of all virtues, and probably the hardest to come by," he adds.
'More fun, less stuff'
There's also evidence that altruistic acts boost happiness in the giver. That doesn't surprise Betsy Taylor, president of the Center for a New American Dream, a Takoma Park, Md., non-profit that favors simple living and opposes commercialism. "The altruism part is worth keeping in mind over the holidays," Taylor says. "Our mantra is 'more fun, less stuff.' Do for others, we say."
Karen Madsen, 51, of Everett, Wash., is a believer. For several years, she's organized local families to buy holiday gifts for needy foster children. Madsen sinks in about $1,000 herself, often trimming her own kids' Christmas haul to do it. "You'd see these notes from foster kids, 'I don't really need anything, but my little sister needs a coat because she's cold.' "
Her son, William Shepherd, a high school senior, doesn't mind. "It's a lot of fun to go shopping for their toys," he says. "I have enough, and it feels good to make sure other people can enjoy the holidays, too."
Many parents would be amazed that a kid could be happy to get less, but surprise is the name of the game with happiness. People aren't very good at predicting what will make them happy, cutting-edge research shows.
Even Seligman, the happiness maven, tells how he wanted no more children - he already had two grown ones - and his current wife wanted four, "so we compromised at four," he says. His book reveals he's besotted with these kids and marvels at them daily. "I just didn't know," he says.
None of us knows, says Harvard University psychologist Daniel Gilbert. "There's a reason why Euripides said, 'It would not be better if men got what they wanted.' " People expect that events will have a larger and more enduring impact on them - for good or ill - than they really do, Gilbert's studies find.
People tend to rationalize bad things, quickly adapting to new realities. They also visualize future events in isolation, but real life teems with many experiences that dilute the impact of any one. This means winning the lottery doesn't make people's lives stellar, but they recover from romantic breakups much quicker than expected.
"If you knew exactly what the future held, you still wouldn't know how much you would like it when you got there," Gilbert says. In pursuing happiness, he suggests "we should have more trust in our own resilience and less confidence in our predictions about how we'll feel. We should be a bit more humble and a bit more brave."
MY THOUGHTS
FLOW- that's a new term. a welcome one. just experienced it today. i was working. i was home.i was doing something that apparently i liked doing. i forgot about time. i forgot my worries. i forgot myself. i forgot i was working. in other words,i was happy.and i thank God for it.
By Marilyn Elias
http://www.biopsychiatry.com/happiness/
The happiest people surround themselves with family and friends, don't care about keeping up with the Joneses next door, lose themselves in daily activities and, most important, forgive easily.
The once-fuzzy picture of what makes people happy is coming into focus as psychologists no longer shun the study of happiness. In the mid-'90s, scientific journals published about 100 studies on sadness for every one study on happiness.
Now a burgeoning "positive psychology" movement that emphasizes people's strengths and talents instead of their weaknesses is rapidly closing the gap, says University of Pennsylvania psychologist Martin E. P. Seligman, author of the new book, Authentic Happiness. The work of Seligman and other experts in the field is in the early stages, but they are already starting to see why some people are happy while others are not: The happiest people spend the least time alone. They pursue personal growth and intimacy; they judge themselves by their own yardsticks, never against what others do or have.
"Materialism is toxic for happiness," says University of Illinois psychologist Ed Diener. Even rich materialists aren't as happy as those who care less about getting and spending.
Because the December holidays are friend- and family-oriented, they painfully reveal the intimacy missing in some lives, Diener says. Add in the commercial emphasis - keeping up with the Joneses and the Christmas enjoyed by the Joneses' kids - "and it's a setup for disappointment," he says. And yet some people manage to look on the bright side, even if they lose their jobs in December. Others live in darkness all year for no apparent reason. A person's cheer level is about half genetic, scientists say.
Everyone has a "set point" for happiness, just as they do for weight, Seligman says. People can improve or hinder their well-being, but they aren't likely to take long leaps in either direction from their set point.
Even physical health, assumed by many to be key to happiness, only has an impact if people are very ill. Objective health measures don't relate to life satisfaction, but subjective feelings do. Plenty of healthy people take their health for granted and are none the happier for it, Diener points out. Meanwhile, the sickly often bear up well, and hypochondriacs cling to misery despite their robust health.
Good feelings aren't "all in the head," though. Actions matter, just not in the way often believed.
Life satisfaction occurs most often when people are engaged in absorbing activities that cause them to forget themselves, lose track of time and stop worrying. "Flow" is the term Claremont Graduate University psychologist Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi (pronounced cheeks-sent-mee-hi) coined to describe this phenomenon.
People in flow may be sewing up a storm, doing brain surgery, playing a musical instrument or working a hard puzzle with their child. The impact is the same: A life of many activities in flow is likely to be a life of great satisfaction, Csikszentmihalyi says. And you don't have to be a hotshot to get there.
"One of the happiest men I ever met was a 64-year-old Chicago welder with a fourth-grade education," he says. The man took immense pride in his work, refusing a promotion to foreman that would have kept him from what he loved to do. He spent evenings looking at the rock garden he built, with sprinklers and floodlights set up to create rainbows.
Teenagers experience flow, too, and are the happiest if they consider many activities "both work and play," Csikszentmihalyi says. Flow stretches someone but pleasurably so, not beyond his capacity. "People feel best when doing what they do best," he says.
Everyone has "signature strengths," Seligman adds, and the happiest use them. Doing so can lead to choices that astound others but yield lasting satisfaction.
Signature strengths
That's what happened to Greg and Tierney Fairchild. He was a Ph.D. candidate at Columbia, and she'd already earned a Ph.D., when they learned that the child she was carrying had Down syndrome, along with a serious heart defect requiring surgery.
In the Fairchilds' intellectual circle of friends, some viewed having a retarded child as unthinkable - and let them know it. Lots of people, including some family members, assumed they'd opt for abortion. After thoroughly exploring all the angles - medical, practical and emotional - they decided to keep their daughter, Naia.
"We're pro-choice, so it's not that we wouldn't get an abortion under some circumstances, or think that others could make a different choice here," Greg says.
They were leading with their strength. An interracial couple, they both had long histories of taking bold, less traveled paths rather than following the parade.
Greg was the first black on his high school track team at a Southern, mostly white school; he became student body president. Tierney was the only MBA student at her university also getting a Ph.D. in education because she wanted to train executives.
And they chose each other, despite all the stares of bigots they knew they'd face forever.
"We haven't shied away from tough choices," Greg says, "and we've been able to persevere through some difficulties other people might not have been able to."
Tierney says, "We thought having Naia would be a challenge, but we really wanted her, and just because something's a challenge, I'm not the type to turn away."
Their struggles are depicted in the new book, Choosing Naia by Mitchell Zuckoff.
That was a few years ago. Now Naia is a 4-year-old people magnet with a great sense of humor, the first Down syndrome child to be "mainstreamed" at the preschool for University of Virginia staff. (Greg teaches in the business school.) She walked late, talked late and is potty-training late - just as her parents expected. "And so what?" Tierney asks. "She's brought us a huge amount of joy because she's such a happy child."
Tierney, who is manager of executive education at United Technologies Corp., feared she'd have to quit work to care for Naia, but that wasn't necessary. Tierney and Greg gave Naia a baby brother, Cole, 22 months ago. "We're so grateful for these kids," Greg says.
Gratitude helps
Gratitude has a lot to do with life satisfaction, psychologists say. Talking and writing about what they're grateful for amplifies adults' happiness, new studies show. Other researchers have found that learning to savor even small pleasures has the same effect. And forgiveness is the trait most strongly linked to happiness, says University of Michigan psychologist Christopher Peterson.
"It's the queen of all virtues, and probably the hardest to come by," he adds.
'More fun, less stuff'
There's also evidence that altruistic acts boost happiness in the giver. That doesn't surprise Betsy Taylor, president of the Center for a New American Dream, a Takoma Park, Md., non-profit that favors simple living and opposes commercialism. "The altruism part is worth keeping in mind over the holidays," Taylor says. "Our mantra is 'more fun, less stuff.' Do for others, we say."
Karen Madsen, 51, of Everett, Wash., is a believer. For several years, she's organized local families to buy holiday gifts for needy foster children. Madsen sinks in about $1,000 herself, often trimming her own kids' Christmas haul to do it. "You'd see these notes from foster kids, 'I don't really need anything, but my little sister needs a coat because she's cold.' "
Her son, William Shepherd, a high school senior, doesn't mind. "It's a lot of fun to go shopping for their toys," he says. "I have enough, and it feels good to make sure other people can enjoy the holidays, too."
Many parents would be amazed that a kid could be happy to get less, but surprise is the name of the game with happiness. People aren't very good at predicting what will make them happy, cutting-edge research shows.
Even Seligman, the happiness maven, tells how he wanted no more children - he already had two grown ones - and his current wife wanted four, "so we compromised at four," he says. His book reveals he's besotted with these kids and marvels at them daily. "I just didn't know," he says.
None of us knows, says Harvard University psychologist Daniel Gilbert. "There's a reason why Euripides said, 'It would not be better if men got what they wanted.' " People expect that events will have a larger and more enduring impact on them - for good or ill - than they really do, Gilbert's studies find.
People tend to rationalize bad things, quickly adapting to new realities. They also visualize future events in isolation, but real life teems with many experiences that dilute the impact of any one. This means winning the lottery doesn't make people's lives stellar, but they recover from romantic breakups much quicker than expected.
"If you knew exactly what the future held, you still wouldn't know how much you would like it when you got there," Gilbert says. In pursuing happiness, he suggests "we should have more trust in our own resilience and less confidence in our predictions about how we'll feel. We should be a bit more humble and a bit more brave."
MY THOUGHTS
FLOW- that's a new term. a welcome one. just experienced it today. i was working. i was home.i was doing something that apparently i liked doing. i forgot about time. i forgot my worries. i forgot myself. i forgot i was working. in other words,i was happy.and i thank God for it.
Thursday, September 23, 2010
how to have countless blessings by bo s.
How You Can Be A
Blessing-Magnet
The Bible says, “Be thankful in all circumstances.”
You see, some people put “conditions” to their happiness:
I’ll be thankful if I find a boyfriend who is as cute as Enchong and has the body of Derek.
I’ll be thankful if my husband changes.
I’ll be thankful if my friend apologizes to me.
I’ll be thankful if I get promoted in my job.
I’ll be thankful if I have a baby.
I’ll be thankful if I graduate from school.
I’ll be thankful if I buy a new cellphone.
Friend, don’t do that. Don’t be unfair to yourself!
Or you’ll never be happy.
Don’t wait for something to happen before you become thankful. Make a decision to be thankful for the blessings that you have right now!
And you’ll be happy forever.
Follow Psalms 77:11 when it says, I will remember your great deeds, Lord; I will recall the wonders you did in the past.
Do you know what will happen?
By being thankful, you’ll become a blessing magnet.
If you want to increase your blessings, you’ve got to be thankful for the blessings that are already there.
Being Thankful Is Dynamite
Being thankful is powerful.
It has explosive power.
When you’re thankful, you unlock your happiness. You unlock your peace. You unlock the storeroom of God’s blessings. And you unlock your wealth.
Let me explain.
Wealth is not your money. Wealth is not your land. Wealth is not your jewelry. Why? Because wealth is a feeling.
Because wealth is not measured by how much money you have. Or how much land you own. Or how much jewelry you possess. Wealth is measured by how thankful you are.
Let me tell you a story.
Two years ago, a man came up to me, asking for prayers.
Irritation was written all over his face.
With much anger, he said, “Please pray for me, Brother Bo. My heart is so heavy. I’m a salesman. I got P350,000 in commission…”
I looked at him in a funny way. I wondered, So what’s so bad about that?
He shakes his head, “I know that seems big, Brother Bo, but it should have been P500,000! But I didn’t reach my quota by just a few pesos. Because of that technicality, I didn’t get half a million. I got P350,000 only…”
He felt so bad.
I prayed over him and asked God to heal his hurt.
After praying for him, I went backstage.
A friend of mine was waiting for me there.
When I saw her, she was smiling from ear to ear. She said, “Bo, I’m so happy. I just received a P3000 increase in my salary!”
I began to laugh. Her gratitude was so refreshing.
Tell me. Who was richer among the two? The one who got P350,000? Or the one who got the P3000?
Answer: The one who got the P3000.
Why?
Because wealth is not measured by how much money you have. It’s measured by how thankful you are.
Be Thankful Even When It’s Difficult
I know.
Some of you might be saying, “But Bo, it’s so difficult to be thankful now. You don’t know what I’m going through. My problems are over my head.”
Perhaps you’re buried in debt.
Perhaps your relationships are broken.
Perhaps sickness is ravaging your body.
Friend, if you want more miracles in your life, you’ve got to be thankful not only for what you see, but for what you do not see.
Being thankful in all circumstances means penetrating the physical realm and going into the spiritual realm. Entering into the sphere of the invisible. And thanking God that He is working behind the shadows. That He is working behind the storms of your life.
I remember the story of my friend, Aiai de las Alas.
Is It Storming In Your Life?
She was telling me how nervous she was when her first major movie was about to be released—the first movie where she was the main star.
Before it’s opening day, she prayed to God that it wouldn’t rain. So that a lot of people will watch her movie. She even went to Baclaran, knelt down, and implored that there be no rain.
When she woke up on her movie’s opening day, it wasn’t raining. She looked out the window and it was storming!
She switched on the radio. The radio reporter said, “Today, Pagasa has declared Signal Number 3 over Metro Manila…”
Her heart sunk. That day, Aiai cried buckets of tears. She asked God why He didn’t answer her prayer. She felt abandoned by God.
But a few days later, she learned what really happened. Because of the storm, school was cancelled. And all the students went to the malls. And just on the opening day, her movie grossed P13 Million.
And her movie became the top grossing film of that year!
The storm became her biggest blessing.
Friend, are there violent storms raging in your life right now?
Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. Because God will turn that storm into your biggest blessing.
Let me end with one last instruction on being thankful…
Being Thankful On Credit
This is big.
This will impact your life in a powerful way.
Awhile ago, I told you to be thankful for the blessings that you already have. But you also have to learn to be thankful for the blessings that are yet to come.
Instead of praying with fear, “Lord, please give me a house. Please give me a house. Please give me house!” say instead with confidence, “Lord, I thank you for my house that is on it’s way!”
Thank God in advance for what He will do.
In the words of T.D. Jakes, Thank God on credit. (In other words, may utang pa si Lord sa iyo.)
Start thanking God in advance for the fulfillment of your dreams!
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
MY THOUGHTS
so many things to be thankful for. thank you bo for the reminder
Blessing-Magnet
The Bible says, “Be thankful in all circumstances.”
You see, some people put “conditions” to their happiness:
I’ll be thankful if I find a boyfriend who is as cute as Enchong and has the body of Derek.
I’ll be thankful if my husband changes.
I’ll be thankful if my friend apologizes to me.
I’ll be thankful if I get promoted in my job.
I’ll be thankful if I have a baby.
I’ll be thankful if I graduate from school.
I’ll be thankful if I buy a new cellphone.
Friend, don’t do that. Don’t be unfair to yourself!
Or you’ll never be happy.
Don’t wait for something to happen before you become thankful. Make a decision to be thankful for the blessings that you have right now!
And you’ll be happy forever.
Follow Psalms 77:11 when it says, I will remember your great deeds, Lord; I will recall the wonders you did in the past.
Do you know what will happen?
By being thankful, you’ll become a blessing magnet.
If you want to increase your blessings, you’ve got to be thankful for the blessings that are already there.
Being Thankful Is Dynamite
Being thankful is powerful.
It has explosive power.
When you’re thankful, you unlock your happiness. You unlock your peace. You unlock the storeroom of God’s blessings. And you unlock your wealth.
Let me explain.
Wealth is not your money. Wealth is not your land. Wealth is not your jewelry. Why? Because wealth is a feeling.
Because wealth is not measured by how much money you have. Or how much land you own. Or how much jewelry you possess. Wealth is measured by how thankful you are.
Let me tell you a story.
Two years ago, a man came up to me, asking for prayers.
Irritation was written all over his face.
With much anger, he said, “Please pray for me, Brother Bo. My heart is so heavy. I’m a salesman. I got P350,000 in commission…”
I looked at him in a funny way. I wondered, So what’s so bad about that?
He shakes his head, “I know that seems big, Brother Bo, but it should have been P500,000! But I didn’t reach my quota by just a few pesos. Because of that technicality, I didn’t get half a million. I got P350,000 only…”
He felt so bad.
I prayed over him and asked God to heal his hurt.
After praying for him, I went backstage.
A friend of mine was waiting for me there.
When I saw her, she was smiling from ear to ear. She said, “Bo, I’m so happy. I just received a P3000 increase in my salary!”
I began to laugh. Her gratitude was so refreshing.
Tell me. Who was richer among the two? The one who got P350,000? Or the one who got the P3000?
Answer: The one who got the P3000.
Why?
Because wealth is not measured by how much money you have. It’s measured by how thankful you are.
Be Thankful Even When It’s Difficult
I know.
Some of you might be saying, “But Bo, it’s so difficult to be thankful now. You don’t know what I’m going through. My problems are over my head.”
Perhaps you’re buried in debt.
Perhaps your relationships are broken.
Perhaps sickness is ravaging your body.
Friend, if you want more miracles in your life, you’ve got to be thankful not only for what you see, but for what you do not see.
Being thankful in all circumstances means penetrating the physical realm and going into the spiritual realm. Entering into the sphere of the invisible. And thanking God that He is working behind the shadows. That He is working behind the storms of your life.
I remember the story of my friend, Aiai de las Alas.
Is It Storming In Your Life?
She was telling me how nervous she was when her first major movie was about to be released—the first movie where she was the main star.
Before it’s opening day, she prayed to God that it wouldn’t rain. So that a lot of people will watch her movie. She even went to Baclaran, knelt down, and implored that there be no rain.
When she woke up on her movie’s opening day, it wasn’t raining. She looked out the window and it was storming!
She switched on the radio. The radio reporter said, “Today, Pagasa has declared Signal Number 3 over Metro Manila…”
Her heart sunk. That day, Aiai cried buckets of tears. She asked God why He didn’t answer her prayer. She felt abandoned by God.
But a few days later, she learned what really happened. Because of the storm, school was cancelled. And all the students went to the malls. And just on the opening day, her movie grossed P13 Million.
And her movie became the top grossing film of that year!
The storm became her biggest blessing.
Friend, are there violent storms raging in your life right now?
Don’t give up. Don’t lose hope. Because God will turn that storm into your biggest blessing.
Let me end with one last instruction on being thankful…
Being Thankful On Credit
This is big.
This will impact your life in a powerful way.
Awhile ago, I told you to be thankful for the blessings that you already have. But you also have to learn to be thankful for the blessings that are yet to come.
Instead of praying with fear, “Lord, please give me a house. Please give me a house. Please give me house!” say instead with confidence, “Lord, I thank you for my house that is on it’s way!”
Thank God in advance for what He will do.
In the words of T.D. Jakes, Thank God on credit. (In other words, may utang pa si Lord sa iyo.)
Start thanking God in advance for the fulfillment of your dreams!
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
MY THOUGHTS
so many things to be thankful for. thank you bo for the reminder
Saturday, September 4, 2010
3 Powerful Steps To Phenomenal Success by Bo
The 3 Powerful Steps To Phenomenal Success
A few weeks ago, I asked my 5-year old Francis to sing on stage. And right after, I asked my 10-year son Bene to preach.
This was before thousands of people at the Feast, our weekly prayer gathering.
It was awesome.
Francis brought the house down with his cute singing.
And Bene blew the audience away with his talk.
Hey, please understand.
I’m the father.
So my report is highly biased.
Because I’m sure my kids made mistakes on stage.
Francis probably sang off-key a couple of times.
He probably sang out of rhythm a few parts of his song.
And Bene probably made grammatical errors.
And mispronounced words.
But all that didn’t matter.
And I didn’t pay too much attention to their mistakes.
Because the whole time they were performing, my heart was bursting within me, saying over and over again, “Those are my kids!”
This doesn’t just happen when they’re performing in front of a crowd of people. I get the same feeling when I watch my kids draw, swim, play, talk…
In other words, I just love it when they’re themselves.
People ask me, “Bo, when Bene grows up, he’ll be a Preacher like you. He’s such a good speaker.”
I answer them, “I don’t know. That’s up to him to decide.”
I’ve always told Bene, “Be who God created you to be. Be yourself. And you’ll succeed.”
God Loves It When You Become You
Friend, God is a father too.
When you use your talent, God’s heart is bursting with pride.
When He sees you performing on stage of life, using the talent that He has given you to bless the world, God is saying, “That’s my kid!”
Why? God loves it when you become you.
He wired you to do something.
He designed you, formed you, shaped you, rigged you, tooled you, and wired you to be a special gift to the world.
If he designed you to be an anthropologist, be an anthropologist.
If he designed you to make deals, then make deals.
If he designed you to listen, then listen.
If he designed you to count money, then count money.
If he designed you to plant crops, then plant crops.
If he designed you to fix cars, then fix cars.
If he designed you to hold the camera, then hold the camera.
I repeat: God loves it when you become you.
Three Landmarks In Your Success Journey
Friend, do you want to be successful in life?
Remember that success doesn’t happen overnight.
Success is a journey.
In fact, you’ll have to pass via three landmarks in this journey. Between where you are now and where your success is are three landmarks. Here they are:
Landmark 1: When you discover your talent
Landmark 2: When you develop your talent
Landmark 3: When you deliver your talent
These three landmarks correspond to the three kinds of people in the world.
There are people who haven’t discovered their talents because they’ve dug a hole in the ground—the hole of low self-worth—and hid their talent there.
They feel useless.
They feel they’re condemned to live a mediocre life.
I should know.
I was once such a person…
1. Discover Your Talent
All of us possess various talents.
Some can dance like Gary V.
Some can make people laugh like Michael V.
Some can act like Ate Vi.
While some can make burgers like Jollivee.
(Sorry, slept late last night.)
But I didn’t believe this years ago.
When I was a kid, I used to complain to God, “Lord, why didn’t you give me any talents?” I felt I was the most talentless person on the planet.
I was afflicted with comparisonities.
When I was in Grade 5, I had a classmate in school who seemed to have all the talents I wanted to have.
His name was Ariel.
He was number one in class.
He was number one in Basketball.
He was number one in Baseball.
He was number one among the girls.
He was number one among the teachers.
Me?
I was number one at being nothing.
I was number one at being unpopular.
I was number one at being bullied by the bullies.
I was number one at being the laughing stock of my teachers.
But I had one talent that I thought I was good at. At least I had one. I knew I was good at drawing.
But one day, we had art class. And Ariel drew something that was Walt Disney material. He was number one again.
I complained to God. I said, “Lord, how unfair! Why is he number one in drawing too! That was my only talent.”
But one fateful day, everything changed in my life.
That was the day I discovered my talent.
All You Have To Do Is Say Yes
As a 13-year-old kid, I was attending this small prayer meeting with my parents. And in one of those meetings, our leader announced to everyone, “God spoke to me last night. One of you will preach the Gospel all over the world.”
She then approached me and asked, “Bo, can you give a talk next Friday.”
Imagine me. That skinny, peepsqueeky kid, who read Superman comics and watched Voltes V on TV, to give a talk.
And with my pre-puberty, high-pitched voice, I said “Sure!”
That was the only thing that God was asking from me.
To say “Yes” to His call.
Did I know I could talk?
No.
But I was willing to try.
I could have given in to fear—and said “No”.
If I did, I wouldn’t be here standing in front of you.
Imagine if I didn’t say “Yes”. What would I be doing now?
The thought gives me the shivers.
But on that day, I conquered my fear and said “Yes”.
When I gave my talk, I realized I had the gift of peace.
Because when I spoke, I was more powerful them ‘valium’. Because I made everyone sleep.
I remember this one woman sitting in the front row.
She slept so soundly in my talk, her mouth was wide open. So open, I could count how many of her molars were filled.
I felt humiliated. I was such a poor speaker!
After my talk, I sat down and told myself, “I’ll never give another talk in my entire life.”
Your Availability Is More Important
Than Your Ability
But my prayer group leader, bless her, approached me again and asked me, “Bo, why don’t you give another talk next week?”
And I looked at her with the steely gaze of a hurt, humiliated, 13-year old kid, and said, “Sure!”
I kept saying Yes to God.
And this is what I’ve found out: When you give to God your availability, He will supply you with your ability.
I discovered my gift.
After a few months, I became a better speaker.
And about the woman in front row who slept at my talk?
She kept on sleeping in all my talks.
I realized she was an insomniac. And that the only time she could sleep was when someone was speaking.
Why You Haven’t Discovered Your Talent
A lot of people ask me that question: How will I discover my talent? Kids ask me that question a lot. Teens ask me that question a lot. Amazingly, even adults ask me that question a lot.
Let me be frank with you.
One of the biggest reasons why you haven’t discovered your talent is because you haven’t been saying a lot of Yeses to life. You’ve been habitually saying No.
To opportunities. To learning. To experiences. To stretching.
You’ve been saying No because you’re afraid.
You’re afraid of making mistakes.
You’re afraid of being laughed at by people.
You’re afraid of falling flat on your face.
You’re afraid of being humiliated.
Discovering your talent is like discovering buried treasure.
Treasure hunters don’t dig in one spot and automatically find the treasure. Treasure hunters go through a lot of surveying the area.
They dig in one spot, find nothing, dig in another spot again, find nothing again, dig in another spot again, find nothing again… until they dig in this one spot and find the treasure!
God has called you to serve Him with your talent.
So serve Him and be willing to make mistakes.
Be willing to fail.
Be willing to be a fool for Christ.
All you’ve got to do is say Yes to God!
2. Develop Your Talent
But I didn’t stop in the discovering of my talent.
I developed my talent.
Some people discover their talent, but they don’t develop it.
They’re good mechanics, farmers, speakers, writers, thinkers, listeners, musicians, engineers, mathematicians, administrators—but they don’t develop their talent.
They don’t hone their craft.
They don’t sharpen their saw.
They don’t expand their expertise.
They don’t increase their initiatives.
They don’t grow their gifting.
How did I develop my talent?
Simple.
I used it.
I said “Yes” to every single invitation given to me to speak.
Tiny prayer groups invited me to speak; I said yes.
Prisons invited me to speak; I said yes.
Hospitals invited me to speak; I said yes.
Poor dilapidated schools in far-flung barrios invited me to speak; I said yes.
I had to cross three rivers before I spoke; I said yes.
Only twenty people showed up; I said yes.
Only ten people showed up; I said yes.
Only three people showed up; I said yes.
In my early years, I would preach every single day.
I didn’t know it, but saying “yes” to every invitation was fulfilling Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 Hour-Rule of Greatness.
Sometimes, young preachers come up to me and tell me, “Brother Bo, I want to preach as good as you do.”
“Great!” I say. So I ask him, “How often do you preach?”
“Oh, about once a month…” he says.
I want to strangle him. “Once a month? By the time you’ll be any good, you’ll be 150 years old. You should be preaching every single day! Create opportunities for you to speak!”
Here’s the truth: The only way to develop your talent is to use it. Let me say it again. If you don’t use it, you lose it.
3. Deliver Your Talent
Some people discovered their talent, developed their talent, but don’t deliver their talent.
For example, I have a friend who knows he’s a good singer.
As a kid, he already was blessed with a fantastic voice.
And he sings in his house everyday to develop his voice.
But here’s the funny thing: Not once has he volunteered to sing in public. Not in parties. Not in church. Not in programs. Not in weddings. One day, I invited him to join the music ministry and he said he had no time.
So far, the only ones who have heard him sing are his shower curtain, his bathroom mirror, and his toilet bowl.
One of the things I’ve found out about this world is that you don’t get rewarded for discovering your talent; you don’t get rewarded for developing your talent; you only get rewarded for delivering your talent.
In other words, do you have the ability to launch?
Planning to launch is not enough.
Preparing to launch is not enough.
You have to actually launch.
There are those who like tinkering with their work endlessly. So they delay. And delay. And delay. And they never launch.
It’s the sickness of corporate world.
Again, the reason why people don’t deliver is fear.
It’s same old enemy.
They’re afraid of failure.
They’re afraid of rejection.
They’re afraid of public humiliation.
So they want everything perfect before they launch.
And there lies the mistake.
There’s no such thing.
They don’t understand that perfection doesn’t exist.
What you need to do is launch and re-launch and keep on re-launching until you get it right.
Here’s what I realized: Before you become a public success, you have to first become a public humiliation!
It’s the only way.
No One Is Exempt
Let me end with one last story.
A lot of people tell me, “Bo, I really have no talent.”
I disagree.
Let me introduce you to a 21-year old man named Jayjay.
Jayjay Ocaya is a 21-year old who sits on a wheelchair the whole day. Jayjay has kidney failure and goes for dialysis twice a week. Jayjay is also deaf.
He was born with a congenital disease called Hydrocephalic Spina Bifida. That meant his spinal column wasn’t fully developed. To survive, he has to go through dialysis twice a week.
Yet every Sunday, Jayjay is part of our Ushers Ministry at the Feast in PICC. What is his talent? He may not be able to hear and he may not be able to walk, but he can smile.
Every Sunday, Jayjay smiles at people and shows them God’s Love.
Let me tell you about another friend.
Her name is Anne Martha Padilla.
She a 26-year old girl with cerebral palsy and has to stay in bed the whole day.
She can’t stand or walk or move the way she wants to. Her muscles move on their own. Her mother has to feed her, bathe her, and carry her around.
She can’t also talk the way you and I do.
If there’s one person that has the right to say, “I have no talent” and “I can’t serve God”, it would be Anne Martha Padilla.
But that’s not true.
Because Anne Martha Padilla gave her Yes to God.
And today, she has a powerful ministry.
She serves hundreds of people in a very personal way.
Anne Martha Padilla is an intercessor and an encourager.
The way she does it is by her cellphone.
She would grab her cellphone with her toes.
And with her other foot, she’d stab at the keypad. Everyday, she’ll send her prayers and inspiration to textmates all over the world.
She prays for her textmates everyday.
She encourages them.
She inspires them.
She’s discovered, developed, and delivered her talent for God’s people. And people are very blessed because of her.
If Jayjay and Anne Martha have found their talent, it’s now your turn.
Give your talent to God.
Just say “Yes” to Him.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
PS. Do You Want To Receive God’s Love Letters To You? Get GodWhispers twice a week. They’re very short, sometimes humorous, and always inspiring love letters from God to you. You’ll be blown away. It’s FREE. Log on now at www.GodWhispersClub.com now!
MY THOUGHTS
so, have you found your talent? this article reminds me so much of how passion is defined - "a fire that cannot be put out because it is inspired by God". happy hunting - for your gifts/talents.
A few weeks ago, I asked my 5-year old Francis to sing on stage. And right after, I asked my 10-year son Bene to preach.
This was before thousands of people at the Feast, our weekly prayer gathering.
It was awesome.
Francis brought the house down with his cute singing.
And Bene blew the audience away with his talk.
Hey, please understand.
I’m the father.
So my report is highly biased.
Because I’m sure my kids made mistakes on stage.
Francis probably sang off-key a couple of times.
He probably sang out of rhythm a few parts of his song.
And Bene probably made grammatical errors.
And mispronounced words.
But all that didn’t matter.
And I didn’t pay too much attention to their mistakes.
Because the whole time they were performing, my heart was bursting within me, saying over and over again, “Those are my kids!”
This doesn’t just happen when they’re performing in front of a crowd of people. I get the same feeling when I watch my kids draw, swim, play, talk…
In other words, I just love it when they’re themselves.
People ask me, “Bo, when Bene grows up, he’ll be a Preacher like you. He’s such a good speaker.”
I answer them, “I don’t know. That’s up to him to decide.”
I’ve always told Bene, “Be who God created you to be. Be yourself. And you’ll succeed.”
God Loves It When You Become You
Friend, God is a father too.
When you use your talent, God’s heart is bursting with pride.
When He sees you performing on stage of life, using the talent that He has given you to bless the world, God is saying, “That’s my kid!”
Why? God loves it when you become you.
He wired you to do something.
He designed you, formed you, shaped you, rigged you, tooled you, and wired you to be a special gift to the world.
If he designed you to be an anthropologist, be an anthropologist.
If he designed you to make deals, then make deals.
If he designed you to listen, then listen.
If he designed you to count money, then count money.
If he designed you to plant crops, then plant crops.
If he designed you to fix cars, then fix cars.
If he designed you to hold the camera, then hold the camera.
I repeat: God loves it when you become you.
Three Landmarks In Your Success Journey
Friend, do you want to be successful in life?
Remember that success doesn’t happen overnight.
Success is a journey.
In fact, you’ll have to pass via three landmarks in this journey. Between where you are now and where your success is are three landmarks. Here they are:
Landmark 1: When you discover your talent
Landmark 2: When you develop your talent
Landmark 3: When you deliver your talent
These three landmarks correspond to the three kinds of people in the world.
There are people who haven’t discovered their talents because they’ve dug a hole in the ground—the hole of low self-worth—and hid their talent there.
They feel useless.
They feel they’re condemned to live a mediocre life.
I should know.
I was once such a person…
1. Discover Your Talent
All of us possess various talents.
Some can dance like Gary V.
Some can make people laugh like Michael V.
Some can act like Ate Vi.
While some can make burgers like Jollivee.
(Sorry, slept late last night.)
But I didn’t believe this years ago.
When I was a kid, I used to complain to God, “Lord, why didn’t you give me any talents?” I felt I was the most talentless person on the planet.
I was afflicted with comparisonities.
When I was in Grade 5, I had a classmate in school who seemed to have all the talents I wanted to have.
His name was Ariel.
He was number one in class.
He was number one in Basketball.
He was number one in Baseball.
He was number one among the girls.
He was number one among the teachers.
Me?
I was number one at being nothing.
I was number one at being unpopular.
I was number one at being bullied by the bullies.
I was number one at being the laughing stock of my teachers.
But I had one talent that I thought I was good at. At least I had one. I knew I was good at drawing.
But one day, we had art class. And Ariel drew something that was Walt Disney material. He was number one again.
I complained to God. I said, “Lord, how unfair! Why is he number one in drawing too! That was my only talent.”
But one fateful day, everything changed in my life.
That was the day I discovered my talent.
All You Have To Do Is Say Yes
As a 13-year-old kid, I was attending this small prayer meeting with my parents. And in one of those meetings, our leader announced to everyone, “God spoke to me last night. One of you will preach the Gospel all over the world.”
She then approached me and asked, “Bo, can you give a talk next Friday.”
Imagine me. That skinny, peepsqueeky kid, who read Superman comics and watched Voltes V on TV, to give a talk.
And with my pre-puberty, high-pitched voice, I said “Sure!”
That was the only thing that God was asking from me.
To say “Yes” to His call.
Did I know I could talk?
No.
But I was willing to try.
I could have given in to fear—and said “No”.
If I did, I wouldn’t be here standing in front of you.
Imagine if I didn’t say “Yes”. What would I be doing now?
The thought gives me the shivers.
But on that day, I conquered my fear and said “Yes”.
When I gave my talk, I realized I had the gift of peace.
Because when I spoke, I was more powerful them ‘valium’. Because I made everyone sleep.
I remember this one woman sitting in the front row.
She slept so soundly in my talk, her mouth was wide open. So open, I could count how many of her molars were filled.
I felt humiliated. I was such a poor speaker!
After my talk, I sat down and told myself, “I’ll never give another talk in my entire life.”
Your Availability Is More Important
Than Your Ability
But my prayer group leader, bless her, approached me again and asked me, “Bo, why don’t you give another talk next week?”
And I looked at her with the steely gaze of a hurt, humiliated, 13-year old kid, and said, “Sure!”
I kept saying Yes to God.
And this is what I’ve found out: When you give to God your availability, He will supply you with your ability.
I discovered my gift.
After a few months, I became a better speaker.
And about the woman in front row who slept at my talk?
She kept on sleeping in all my talks.
I realized she was an insomniac. And that the only time she could sleep was when someone was speaking.
Why You Haven’t Discovered Your Talent
A lot of people ask me that question: How will I discover my talent? Kids ask me that question a lot. Teens ask me that question a lot. Amazingly, even adults ask me that question a lot.
Let me be frank with you.
One of the biggest reasons why you haven’t discovered your talent is because you haven’t been saying a lot of Yeses to life. You’ve been habitually saying No.
To opportunities. To learning. To experiences. To stretching.
You’ve been saying No because you’re afraid.
You’re afraid of making mistakes.
You’re afraid of being laughed at by people.
You’re afraid of falling flat on your face.
You’re afraid of being humiliated.
Discovering your talent is like discovering buried treasure.
Treasure hunters don’t dig in one spot and automatically find the treasure. Treasure hunters go through a lot of surveying the area.
They dig in one spot, find nothing, dig in another spot again, find nothing again, dig in another spot again, find nothing again… until they dig in this one spot and find the treasure!
God has called you to serve Him with your talent.
So serve Him and be willing to make mistakes.
Be willing to fail.
Be willing to be a fool for Christ.
All you’ve got to do is say Yes to God!
2. Develop Your Talent
But I didn’t stop in the discovering of my talent.
I developed my talent.
Some people discover their talent, but they don’t develop it.
They’re good mechanics, farmers, speakers, writers, thinkers, listeners, musicians, engineers, mathematicians, administrators—but they don’t develop their talent.
They don’t hone their craft.
They don’t sharpen their saw.
They don’t expand their expertise.
They don’t increase their initiatives.
They don’t grow their gifting.
How did I develop my talent?
Simple.
I used it.
I said “Yes” to every single invitation given to me to speak.
Tiny prayer groups invited me to speak; I said yes.
Prisons invited me to speak; I said yes.
Hospitals invited me to speak; I said yes.
Poor dilapidated schools in far-flung barrios invited me to speak; I said yes.
I had to cross three rivers before I spoke; I said yes.
Only twenty people showed up; I said yes.
Only ten people showed up; I said yes.
Only three people showed up; I said yes.
In my early years, I would preach every single day.
I didn’t know it, but saying “yes” to every invitation was fulfilling Malcolm Gladwell’s 10,000 Hour-Rule of Greatness.
Sometimes, young preachers come up to me and tell me, “Brother Bo, I want to preach as good as you do.”
“Great!” I say. So I ask him, “How often do you preach?”
“Oh, about once a month…” he says.
I want to strangle him. “Once a month? By the time you’ll be any good, you’ll be 150 years old. You should be preaching every single day! Create opportunities for you to speak!”
Here’s the truth: The only way to develop your talent is to use it. Let me say it again. If you don’t use it, you lose it.
3. Deliver Your Talent
Some people discovered their talent, developed their talent, but don’t deliver their talent.
For example, I have a friend who knows he’s a good singer.
As a kid, he already was blessed with a fantastic voice.
And he sings in his house everyday to develop his voice.
But here’s the funny thing: Not once has he volunteered to sing in public. Not in parties. Not in church. Not in programs. Not in weddings. One day, I invited him to join the music ministry and he said he had no time.
So far, the only ones who have heard him sing are his shower curtain, his bathroom mirror, and his toilet bowl.
One of the things I’ve found out about this world is that you don’t get rewarded for discovering your talent; you don’t get rewarded for developing your talent; you only get rewarded for delivering your talent.
In other words, do you have the ability to launch?
Planning to launch is not enough.
Preparing to launch is not enough.
You have to actually launch.
There are those who like tinkering with their work endlessly. So they delay. And delay. And delay. And they never launch.
It’s the sickness of corporate world.
Again, the reason why people don’t deliver is fear.
It’s same old enemy.
They’re afraid of failure.
They’re afraid of rejection.
They’re afraid of public humiliation.
So they want everything perfect before they launch.
And there lies the mistake.
There’s no such thing.
They don’t understand that perfection doesn’t exist.
What you need to do is launch and re-launch and keep on re-launching until you get it right.
Here’s what I realized: Before you become a public success, you have to first become a public humiliation!
It’s the only way.
No One Is Exempt
Let me end with one last story.
A lot of people tell me, “Bo, I really have no talent.”
I disagree.
Let me introduce you to a 21-year old man named Jayjay.
Jayjay Ocaya is a 21-year old who sits on a wheelchair the whole day. Jayjay has kidney failure and goes for dialysis twice a week. Jayjay is also deaf.
He was born with a congenital disease called Hydrocephalic Spina Bifida. That meant his spinal column wasn’t fully developed. To survive, he has to go through dialysis twice a week.
Yet every Sunday, Jayjay is part of our Ushers Ministry at the Feast in PICC. What is his talent? He may not be able to hear and he may not be able to walk, but he can smile.
Every Sunday, Jayjay smiles at people and shows them God’s Love.
Let me tell you about another friend.
Her name is Anne Martha Padilla.
She a 26-year old girl with cerebral palsy and has to stay in bed the whole day.
She can’t stand or walk or move the way she wants to. Her muscles move on their own. Her mother has to feed her, bathe her, and carry her around.
She can’t also talk the way you and I do.
If there’s one person that has the right to say, “I have no talent” and “I can’t serve God”, it would be Anne Martha Padilla.
But that’s not true.
Because Anne Martha Padilla gave her Yes to God.
And today, she has a powerful ministry.
She serves hundreds of people in a very personal way.
Anne Martha Padilla is an intercessor and an encourager.
The way she does it is by her cellphone.
She would grab her cellphone with her toes.
And with her other foot, she’d stab at the keypad. Everyday, she’ll send her prayers and inspiration to textmates all over the world.
She prays for her textmates everyday.
She encourages them.
She inspires them.
She’s discovered, developed, and delivered her talent for God’s people. And people are very blessed because of her.
If Jayjay and Anne Martha have found their talent, it’s now your turn.
Give your talent to God.
Just say “Yes” to Him.
May your dreams come true,
Bo Sanchez
PS. Do You Want To Receive God’s Love Letters To You? Get GodWhispers twice a week. They’re very short, sometimes humorous, and always inspiring love letters from God to you. You’ll be blown away. It’s FREE. Log on now at www.GodWhispersClub.com now!
MY THOUGHTS
so, have you found your talent? this article reminds me so much of how passion is defined - "a fire that cannot be put out because it is inspired by God". happy hunting - for your gifts/talents.
Friday, July 23, 2010
Declutter Your Finances
Declutter Your Finances
By Peter Walsh
Oprah Radio | October 09, 2008
Step 1: Envision the Life You Want
Financial order is absolutely necessary for the time, energy, and emotional and spiritual health to create the vision you want of your life, Peter says. Most people think the opposite of debt is wealth, but Peter says the opposite of debt is no debt: a life where you are living within your means and where you don’t lie to yourself about how much money you have or pretend that you can afford things that you can’t. "It is a life of freedom," he says.
Start decluttering your finances with this basic question, Peter says: What is the vision you have for your life? Then ask yourself the following:
•Is your vision realistic?
•What is the reality vs. the vision? Where is there dissonance between the life you have and the life you want?
•Does the stuff you consume (or the stuff you want and have to have) take you closer to or further away from the life you want?
Step 2: Look at the True Cost of Your Debt
The quantity of your stuff can no longer be considered the measure of your success, Peter says. Rather, it is the quality of your relationships that lead to deeper happiness, he says. "Debt doesn't just ruin your credit rating—it ruins your relationships," Peter says. "Debt creates selfishness, an inward focus and preoccupation that robs you of what really matters—your true self and your relationships."
Step 3: Explore Your Limits
Just as you only have so much space in your home, you only have so much money, time and emotional energy, Peter says. Credit card companies offer no-limit and high-dollar credit cards, giving you the illusion that you can buy on credit forever. You can max out on your credit cards, but Peter says you can also max out the time and energy you need to spend generating money to pay your bills. "Recognize and pinpoint your limits," he says. "You can continue to ignore them, or you can start to set limits for yourself."
Step 4: Assess Your Spending Habits
Look at your spending habits and figure out exactly what you're spending your money on. "Where is your pursuit of 'more' taking over your life, robbing you of true happiness?" Peter asks. "More" could be eating out at restaurants, shopping for clothes or taking luxury vacations. "Shopping is a means to an end," he says. "If it's an end in itself, then there's a problem."
Step 5: Discuss Necessities vs. Luxuries
Once people get their hands on a little bit of money, they start to think that luxuries are essentials and will do anything to keep their lifestyle, Peter says. "There are very few luxuries in your life that are essential to you: your family and their happiness," Peter says. "Sit and talk with your spouse, partner or family, and separate what you consider to be necessities from the luxuries."
Step 6: Consider Your Happiness Quotient
Happiness is all about balance, Peter says. When you're in debt, you're out of balance. "Head, heart and spirit—it's all connected," Peter says. "Consider where you derive pleasure and happiness from in your life."
Step 7: Create Space for What Really Matters
Once you've decluttered and organized, your life will take on a different focus—the "stuff" loses its importance, Peter says. Think about what you want from your home and how can achieving it, he says. Cutting down on the influx of stuff will immediately translate into spending less money. "Your home is a respite, a reflection of your goals," Peter says. "Consuming less improves your lifestyle, and an ordered home reflects a life without debt."
Step 8: Make It Real
Take time to develop a budget, seek sound financial advice and establish a financial plan. "Now is the time to organize your home, your wallet and bank account to achieve what you desire," he says. Ask yourself the following questions:
•How much should you be spending on your living expenses?
•What is a reasonable amount to spend each month on rent or a mortgage? Food and entertainment?
•How much should be going into your savings? Should you be investing?
MY THOUGHTS
I'd like to think i'm on step 7. i know how how its is to be way over what i can afford. my most important realization is that the things that i've accumulated actually became a burden. it took a while. and i'm not done yet. but i'm learning how to live simply - a smaller space, less things to take care of, spending only on needs rather than wants. the process hurts sometimes. but the end result is so much better. life has certainly taken a different course - one that made me appreciate what i have. the best part was letting go. i feel free. and happy.
By Peter Walsh
Oprah Radio | October 09, 2008
Step 1: Envision the Life You Want
Financial order is absolutely necessary for the time, energy, and emotional and spiritual health to create the vision you want of your life, Peter says. Most people think the opposite of debt is wealth, but Peter says the opposite of debt is no debt: a life where you are living within your means and where you don’t lie to yourself about how much money you have or pretend that you can afford things that you can’t. "It is a life of freedom," he says.
Start decluttering your finances with this basic question, Peter says: What is the vision you have for your life? Then ask yourself the following:
•Is your vision realistic?
•What is the reality vs. the vision? Where is there dissonance between the life you have and the life you want?
•Does the stuff you consume (or the stuff you want and have to have) take you closer to or further away from the life you want?
Step 2: Look at the True Cost of Your Debt
The quantity of your stuff can no longer be considered the measure of your success, Peter says. Rather, it is the quality of your relationships that lead to deeper happiness, he says. "Debt doesn't just ruin your credit rating—it ruins your relationships," Peter says. "Debt creates selfishness, an inward focus and preoccupation that robs you of what really matters—your true self and your relationships."
Step 3: Explore Your Limits
Just as you only have so much space in your home, you only have so much money, time and emotional energy, Peter says. Credit card companies offer no-limit and high-dollar credit cards, giving you the illusion that you can buy on credit forever. You can max out on your credit cards, but Peter says you can also max out the time and energy you need to spend generating money to pay your bills. "Recognize and pinpoint your limits," he says. "You can continue to ignore them, or you can start to set limits for yourself."
Step 4: Assess Your Spending Habits
Look at your spending habits and figure out exactly what you're spending your money on. "Where is your pursuit of 'more' taking over your life, robbing you of true happiness?" Peter asks. "More" could be eating out at restaurants, shopping for clothes or taking luxury vacations. "Shopping is a means to an end," he says. "If it's an end in itself, then there's a problem."
Step 5: Discuss Necessities vs. Luxuries
Once people get their hands on a little bit of money, they start to think that luxuries are essentials and will do anything to keep their lifestyle, Peter says. "There are very few luxuries in your life that are essential to you: your family and their happiness," Peter says. "Sit and talk with your spouse, partner or family, and separate what you consider to be necessities from the luxuries."
Step 6: Consider Your Happiness Quotient
Happiness is all about balance, Peter says. When you're in debt, you're out of balance. "Head, heart and spirit—it's all connected," Peter says. "Consider where you derive pleasure and happiness from in your life."
Step 7: Create Space for What Really Matters
Once you've decluttered and organized, your life will take on a different focus—the "stuff" loses its importance, Peter says. Think about what you want from your home and how can achieving it, he says. Cutting down on the influx of stuff will immediately translate into spending less money. "Your home is a respite, a reflection of your goals," Peter says. "Consuming less improves your lifestyle, and an ordered home reflects a life without debt."
Step 8: Make It Real
Take time to develop a budget, seek sound financial advice and establish a financial plan. "Now is the time to organize your home, your wallet and bank account to achieve what you desire," he says. Ask yourself the following questions:
•How much should you be spending on your living expenses?
•What is a reasonable amount to spend each month on rent or a mortgage? Food and entertainment?
•How much should be going into your savings? Should you be investing?
MY THOUGHTS
I'd like to think i'm on step 7. i know how how its is to be way over what i can afford. my most important realization is that the things that i've accumulated actually became a burden. it took a while. and i'm not done yet. but i'm learning how to live simply - a smaller space, less things to take care of, spending only on needs rather than wants. the process hurts sometimes. but the end result is so much better. life has certainly taken a different course - one that made me appreciate what i have. the best part was letting go. i feel free. and happy.
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
5 things happy people do
5 Things Happy People Do
By Gabrielle LeBlanc
O, The Oprah Magazine | January 01, 2006
Sages going back to Socrates have offered advice on how to be happy, but only now are scientists beginning to address this question with systematic, controlled research. Although many of the new studies reaffirm time-honored wisdom ("Do what you love," "To thine own self be true"), they also add a number of fresh twists and insights. We canvassed the leading experts on what happy people have in common—and why it's worth trying to become one of them.
1. They find their most golden self.
Picture happiness. What do you see? A peaceful soul sitting in a field of daisies appreciating the moment? That kind of passive, pleasure-oriented—hedonic—contentment is definitely a component of overall happiness. But researchers now believe that eudaimonic well-being may be more important. Cobbled from the Greek eu ("good") and daimon ("spirit" or "deity"), eudaimonia means striving toward excellence based on one's unique talents and potential—Aristotle considered it to be the noblest goal in life. In his time, the Greeks believed that each child was blessed at birth with a personal daimon embodying the highest possible expression of his or her nature. One way they envisioned the daimon was as a golden figurine that would be revealed by cracking away an outer layer of cheap pottery (the person's baser exterior). The effort to know and realize one's most golden self—"personal growth," in today's lingo—is now the central concept of eudaimonia, which has also come to include continually taking on new challenges and fulfilling one's sense of purpose in life.
"Eudaimonic well-being is much more robust and satisfying than hedonic happiness, and it engages different parts of the brain," says Richard J. Davidson, PhD, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison. "The positive emotion accompanying thoughts that are directed toward meaningful goals is one of the most enduring components of well-being." Eudaimonia is also good for the body. Women who scored high on psychological tests for it (they were purposefully engaged in life, pursued self-development) weighed less, slept better, and had fewer stress hormones and markers for heart disease than others—including those reporting hedonic happiness—according to a study led by Carol Ryff, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
2. They design their lives to bring in joy.
It may seem obvious, but "people don't devote enough time to thinking seriously about how they spend their life and how much of it they actually enjoy," says David Schkade, PhD, a psychologist and professor of management at the University of California San Diego. In a recent study, Schkade and colleagues asked more than 900 working women to write down everything they'd done the day before. Afterward, they reviewed their diaries and evaluated how they felt at each point. When the women saw how much time they spent on activities they didn't like, "some people had tears in their eyes," Schkade says. "They didn't realize their happiness was something they could design and have control over."
Analyzing one's life isn't necessarily easy and may require questioning long-held assumptions. A high-powered career might, in fact, turn out to be unfulfilling; a committed relationship once longed for could end up being irritating with all the compromising that comes with having a partner. Dreams can be hard to abandon, even when they've turned sour.
Fortunately, changes don't have to be big ones to tip the joy in your favor. Schkade says that if you transfer even an hour of your day from an activity you hate (commuting, scrubbing the bathroom) to one you like (reading, spending time with friends), you should see a significant improvement in your overall happiness. Taking action is key. Another recent study, at the University of Missouri, compared college students who made intentional changes (joining a club, upgrading their study habits) with others who passively experienced positive turns in their circumstances (receiving a scholarship, being relieved of a bad roommate). All the students were happier in the short term, but only the group who made deliberate changes stayed that way.
3. They avoid "if only" fantasies.
If only I get a better job...find a man...lose the weight...life will be perfect. Happy people don't buy into this kind of thinking.
The latest research shows that we're surprisingly bad at predicting what will make us happy. People also tend to misjudge their contentment when zeroing in on a single aspect of their life—it's called the focusing illusion. In one study, single subjects were asked, "How happy are you with your life in general?" and "How many dates did you have last month?" When the dating question was asked first, their romantic life weighed more heavily into how they rated their overall happiness than when the questions were reversed.
The other argument against "if only" fantasies has to do with "hedonic adaptation"—the brain's natural dimming effect, which guarantees that a new house won't generate the same pleasure a year after its purchase and the thrill of having a boyfriend will ebb as you get used to being part of a couple. Happy people are wise to this, which is why they keep their lives full of novelty, even if it's just trying a new activity (diving, yoga) or putting a new spin on an old favorite (kundalini instead of vinyasa).
4. They put best friends first.
It's no surprise that social engagement is one of the most important contributors to happiness. What's news is that the nature of the relationship counts. Compared with dashing around chatting with acquaintances, you get more joy from spending longer periods of time with a close friend, according to research by Meliksah Demir, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Northern Arizona University. And the best-friend benefit doesn't necessarily come from delving into heavy discussions. One of the most essential pleasures of close friendship, Demir found, is simple companionship, "just hanging out," as he says, hitting the mall or going to the movies together and eating popcorn in the dark.
5. They allow themselves to be happy.
As much as we all think we want it, many of us are convinced, deep down, that it's wrong to be happy (or too happy). Whether the belief comes from religion, culture, or the family you were raised in, it usually leaves you feeling guilty if you're having fun.
"Some people would say you shouldn't strive for personal happiness until you've taken care of everyone in the world who is starving or doesn't have adequate medical care," says Howard Cutler, MD, coauthor with the Dalai Lama of The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World. "The Dalai Lama believes you should pursue both simultaneously. For one thing, there is clear research showing that happy people tend to be more open to helping others. They also make better spouses and parents." And in one famous study, nuns whose autobiographies expressed positive emotions (such as gratitude and optimism) lived seven to 10-and-a-half years longer than other nuns. So, for any die-hard pessimist who still needs persuading, just think of how much more you can help the world if you allow a little happiness into your life.
Gabrielle Leblanc is a writer and neuroscientist in Washington, D.C.
MY THOUGHTS
let's see, let's see... finding my most golden self - yup, i know what i'm good at and i love doing them.
designing my life so that i can do things i enjoy? yup yup yupn . in a way. most of the time. know what i love doing. sometimes God puts me on hold so i can do other things and learn from them and find that there are things i can still love doing.
if only's? i learned to do that years ago and it works. but it's a constant struggle.
putting best friends first? i wish i can spend more time with them. time flies when you're with the closest of friends. what's funny is you keep on talking of the samwe things and yet it brings so much joy.
aha - allowing myself to be happy? i'm a believer in the truth that happiness is a state of mind. there are days, it's hard to be happy. so, go ahead and be sad. but happy people have the ability to bounce back early enough.
By Gabrielle LeBlanc
O, The Oprah Magazine | January 01, 2006
Sages going back to Socrates have offered advice on how to be happy, but only now are scientists beginning to address this question with systematic, controlled research. Although many of the new studies reaffirm time-honored wisdom ("Do what you love," "To thine own self be true"), they also add a number of fresh twists and insights. We canvassed the leading experts on what happy people have in common—and why it's worth trying to become one of them.
1. They find their most golden self.
Picture happiness. What do you see? A peaceful soul sitting in a field of daisies appreciating the moment? That kind of passive, pleasure-oriented—hedonic—contentment is definitely a component of overall happiness. But researchers now believe that eudaimonic well-being may be more important. Cobbled from the Greek eu ("good") and daimon ("spirit" or "deity"), eudaimonia means striving toward excellence based on one's unique talents and potential—Aristotle considered it to be the noblest goal in life. In his time, the Greeks believed that each child was blessed at birth with a personal daimon embodying the highest possible expression of his or her nature. One way they envisioned the daimon was as a golden figurine that would be revealed by cracking away an outer layer of cheap pottery (the person's baser exterior). The effort to know and realize one's most golden self—"personal growth," in today's lingo—is now the central concept of eudaimonia, which has also come to include continually taking on new challenges and fulfilling one's sense of purpose in life.
"Eudaimonic well-being is much more robust and satisfying than hedonic happiness, and it engages different parts of the brain," says Richard J. Davidson, PhD, of the University of Wisconsin-Madison. "The positive emotion accompanying thoughts that are directed toward meaningful goals is one of the most enduring components of well-being." Eudaimonia is also good for the body. Women who scored high on psychological tests for it (they were purposefully engaged in life, pursued self-development) weighed less, slept better, and had fewer stress hormones and markers for heart disease than others—including those reporting hedonic happiness—according to a study led by Carol Ryff, PhD, a professor of psychology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison.
2. They design their lives to bring in joy.
It may seem obvious, but "people don't devote enough time to thinking seriously about how they spend their life and how much of it they actually enjoy," says David Schkade, PhD, a psychologist and professor of management at the University of California San Diego. In a recent study, Schkade and colleagues asked more than 900 working women to write down everything they'd done the day before. Afterward, they reviewed their diaries and evaluated how they felt at each point. When the women saw how much time they spent on activities they didn't like, "some people had tears in their eyes," Schkade says. "They didn't realize their happiness was something they could design and have control over."
Analyzing one's life isn't necessarily easy and may require questioning long-held assumptions. A high-powered career might, in fact, turn out to be unfulfilling; a committed relationship once longed for could end up being irritating with all the compromising that comes with having a partner. Dreams can be hard to abandon, even when they've turned sour.
Fortunately, changes don't have to be big ones to tip the joy in your favor. Schkade says that if you transfer even an hour of your day from an activity you hate (commuting, scrubbing the bathroom) to one you like (reading, spending time with friends), you should see a significant improvement in your overall happiness. Taking action is key. Another recent study, at the University of Missouri, compared college students who made intentional changes (joining a club, upgrading their study habits) with others who passively experienced positive turns in their circumstances (receiving a scholarship, being relieved of a bad roommate). All the students were happier in the short term, but only the group who made deliberate changes stayed that way.
3. They avoid "if only" fantasies.
If only I get a better job...find a man...lose the weight...life will be perfect. Happy people don't buy into this kind of thinking.
The latest research shows that we're surprisingly bad at predicting what will make us happy. People also tend to misjudge their contentment when zeroing in on a single aspect of their life—it's called the focusing illusion. In one study, single subjects were asked, "How happy are you with your life in general?" and "How many dates did you have last month?" When the dating question was asked first, their romantic life weighed more heavily into how they rated their overall happiness than when the questions were reversed.
The other argument against "if only" fantasies has to do with "hedonic adaptation"—the brain's natural dimming effect, which guarantees that a new house won't generate the same pleasure a year after its purchase and the thrill of having a boyfriend will ebb as you get used to being part of a couple. Happy people are wise to this, which is why they keep their lives full of novelty, even if it's just trying a new activity (diving, yoga) or putting a new spin on an old favorite (kundalini instead of vinyasa).
4. They put best friends first.
It's no surprise that social engagement is one of the most important contributors to happiness. What's news is that the nature of the relationship counts. Compared with dashing around chatting with acquaintances, you get more joy from spending longer periods of time with a close friend, according to research by Meliksah Demir, PhD, assistant professor of psychology at Northern Arizona University. And the best-friend benefit doesn't necessarily come from delving into heavy discussions. One of the most essential pleasures of close friendship, Demir found, is simple companionship, "just hanging out," as he says, hitting the mall or going to the movies together and eating popcorn in the dark.
5. They allow themselves to be happy.
As much as we all think we want it, many of us are convinced, deep down, that it's wrong to be happy (or too happy). Whether the belief comes from religion, culture, or the family you were raised in, it usually leaves you feeling guilty if you're having fun.
"Some people would say you shouldn't strive for personal happiness until you've taken care of everyone in the world who is starving or doesn't have adequate medical care," says Howard Cutler, MD, coauthor with the Dalai Lama of The Art of Happiness in a Troubled World. "The Dalai Lama believes you should pursue both simultaneously. For one thing, there is clear research showing that happy people tend to be more open to helping others. They also make better spouses and parents." And in one famous study, nuns whose autobiographies expressed positive emotions (such as gratitude and optimism) lived seven to 10-and-a-half years longer than other nuns. So, for any die-hard pessimist who still needs persuading, just think of how much more you can help the world if you allow a little happiness into your life.
Gabrielle Leblanc is a writer and neuroscientist in Washington, D.C.
MY THOUGHTS
let's see, let's see... finding my most golden self - yup, i know what i'm good at and i love doing them.
designing my life so that i can do things i enjoy? yup yup yupn . in a way. most of the time. know what i love doing. sometimes God puts me on hold so i can do other things and learn from them and find that there are things i can still love doing.
if only's? i learned to do that years ago and it works. but it's a constant struggle.
putting best friends first? i wish i can spend more time with them. time flies when you're with the closest of friends. what's funny is you keep on talking of the samwe things and yet it brings so much joy.
aha - allowing myself to be happy? i'm a believer in the truth that happiness is a state of mind. there are days, it's hard to be happy. so, go ahead and be sad. but happy people have the ability to bounce back early enough.
Monday, July 12, 2010
Will Marriage Make You Fat?
Will Marriage Make You Fat? How to Avoid the ‘Love Chub’ Trap
Marriage brings many changes, and weight gain tops the list
Cynthia Ramnarace ON Jul 7, 2010 at 5:47PM
Mariah Carey, Britney Spears and Khloe Kardashian—even the most buff and beautiful have packed on a few pounds after getting married.
No matter who you are, it seems, it’s not unusual to gain some weight after you walk down the aisle. In fact, you don’t even need to exchange vows to suffer the effects: A 2008 study in the journal Obesity showed that couples that lived together more than two years—whether married or not—were more likely to be obese, inactive and sedentary.
It’s no secret that couples tend to spend more time sitting on the couch (maybe sharing a pint of ice cream) than out dancing in the clubs or going for long, moonlit walks. (Sound familiar?) Being in a marriage—or being part of a long-term, cohabitating couple—changes the rhythm of your life, says behavioral psychologist Mike Bishop, Ph.D., executive director at Wellspring Camps, the weight-loss retreats based in Tampa, Fla. For those who do walk down the aisle, a wedding can be a great incentive to shape up. But once the pressure and spotlight are off you, there’s less motivation to stick with the program. If you went gangbusters at the gym to fit into that slinky wedding dress, you may feel that now you’ve earned the chance to relax. Once you stop or slow down the work outs, though, the pounds can start to creep on.
Then there’s the simple fact that people in love enjoy sedentary activities: cuddling and channel surfing; sleeping in on a Saturday morning (instead of, say, getting up early to hit the gym); spending long hours sitting and sipping at outdoor cafes. The more you lounge, the less you move. And that means you burn fewer calories, and are more likely to be snacking on some empty ones. There’s also this: Marriage, particularly the first year, is stressful. And what do a lot of people do when they’re stressed? Eat. And not well. “Rarely do you hear somebody saying, ‘Oh, I’m so stressed. I’m going to go eat a big plate of broccoli,’” says Bishop. “Usually, stress eating involves chocolate or pizza.” Has getting cozy—or getting stressed—helped you put on a few pounds? If so, have faith: You can still be in a couple yet rediscover your inner, slimmer single girl. Here’s how three couples who got familiar with love chub succeeded in turning the scale in the other direction.
A Personal Trainer Brings Accountability
On her wedding day, Revee Torledo weighed in at 135 pounds and wore a size 4. Three months later, thanks to the holidays and too many nights spent snuggling on the couch, the scale was getting closer to 150 pounds than she was comfortable with. When she had to start searching the back of her closet for size 6s, she knew something had to change. She wasn’t the only one. “I was looking at my husband one morning and said, ‘You need to get rid of that little Buddha belly,’” Revee says. “He’d picked on me when I couldn’t zip up a dress too. We never had any major disagreements about [our weight gain], but we didn’t want to get to a point where we did.”
So in January 2010, Revee and Eugene made a resolution to lose what they’d gained. They both returned to what had worked for them in the past. Eugene took up capoeira, an Afro-Brazilian form of self-defense training. Revee wanted a personal trainer, but not someone she’d only see once a week. She needed a trainer who could double as a life coach and was easily accessible. Her trainer, Jen Cassetty, was available any time of the day by text, Twitter or Facebook. If Revee didn’t want to work out, Jen told her to stop procrastinating and get going. If her fitness routine felt boring, Revee could look at the iPhone fitness app Jen designed for some new ideas.
“I emailed her to say ‘I’m struggling, I’m not losing,’” Revee says. “At one point I felt as if I was working really hard and not losing a single pound. She told me to keep going. She told me to stop with the little snacks in between meals. She told me, ‘keep it up.’” Revee listened. So far both she and her husband have lost 10 pounds each. “I needed someone who could motivate me,” Revee says. “Someone who’d talk to me and say, ‘You’re not a failure, it happens to the best of us.’ My trainer helped me develop a routine and find my motivation.”
Cutting the Carbs and Adding Leafy Greens and Lean Proteins
For Adam Saunders, 33, the happy pounds started appearing in 2006, after he met and married Jenna, the woman he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Before their wedding, at 225 pounds and at 11 percent body fat, he looked every bit the nightclub bouncer that he was. But within a year after the wedding, he was up to 276 pounds “of pure fat” and went from a 32- to 42-inch waist. Jenna, 31, went from a size 8 to a 14. How did it happen? “We just got comfortable with each other,” says Adam, who lives with Jenna in Wellington, Fla.
Adam’s wake-up call came when he saw himself on a video dancing around the house with his kids. “You see me coming down the hallway and it just looked like I’d been stung by a bee 50 times,” Adam says. “My clothes weren’t fitting. I was always out of breath, always sweating. It wasn’t a pretty sight.”
Because he works 70 hours a week, an exercise-intensive weight-loss program wasn’t going to work. Adam knew he needed to find a regimented diet that relied on cutting calories and didn’t require exercise to lose weight. He tried Smart for Life, a plan that reduced the carbohydrates in his diet and replaced them with lots of leafy greens and other vegetables, plus lean protein. Gone was his habit of collapsing on the couch after work with a tub of ice cream or bag of chocolate. Vegetables, and especially leafy greens, became the centerpiece of their dinner plates. Beverages were limited to water, diet soda or green tea. Adam went from 275 to 205 in less than six months. And he wasn’t the only one to benefit from his newfound healthy eating habits.
“He started losing weight and I didn’t want to be known as his fat wife,” says Jenna, who is down to 135 pounds after shedding 60. “I was cooking for him anyway, and so I just started eating the way he was eating.”
Losing the weight has also helped them feel better about themselves as a couple. “We had gotten to the point where we didn’t want to go and hang out with people,” Adam says. “We didn’t feel good about it. We didn’t want to be the fat couple in the crowd. But now people tell me it looks like I shed 15 years in age. And now I just feel good.”
Teamwork Helped Her Walk the Weight Off
The first five pounds crept on after Jacqueline Holder got home from her honeymoon. She hated slogging to the gym every day, so she cut down her routine to twice a week. She happily stocked the cabinets with snacks her husband loved and found herself noshing on them, too.
Then she got pregnant and those five pounds she initially gained soon turned into 75. Though she was at her heaviest weight after giving birth, her husband didn’t see the pounds and neither did she. “My husband was constantly making sure I was eating enough and telling me I was beautiful,” Jacqueline says. “So I didn't feel any pressure about my weight.”
When her son Noah was 6 months old, though, Jacqueline decided enough was enough. She felt uncomfortable, sluggish and wasn’t happy with what she saw in the mirror. So she joined a walking club and started training to walk in a half marathon. Noah is now nearly 2, and Jacqueline has walked three half marathons and run four more since she started training. She is now within five pounds of her wedding weight. Her husband gained a few post-wedding pounds and is working on losing them as well, mostly by cutting down on snacking. (Banning junk foods from the house has helped, Jacqueline says.)
“For me, just saying I would go to the gym or do an exercise DVD wasn’t enough,” Jacqueline says. “When I joined a team in training, I became responsible to the team. I had a certain amount I had to walk every day. And my husband is super-supportive too, staying with Noah on Saturdays mornings so I can meet up with my team. Having something set in concrete (on my schedule) like that really helped.”
However you choose to do it, Bishop says keeping your weight in check is really just a simple formula. “Weight management is about limiting the calories you put in your body and then burning calories that you have consumed,” he says. “If you’re neglecting either side of the equation, whether it’s calories in or calories out, that’s a formula for gaining weight.”
When young couples come to him for help with weight issues, he advises them to schedule in fitness just as they would dinner dates and office meetings. Sit down together and figure out when you’ll go biking, hiking or hit the gym.
“Especially for young couples, you’ve got to make fitness a family tradition,” Dr. Bishop says. “And you’ve got to start early by creating healthy habits [that will benefit] your family as you move forward.”
So even if you’ve put on a few post-wedding pounds, don’t fret. With a healthier diet, and some more physical activity, can ensure that you’ll always be able to fit in that wedding dress.
MY THOUGHTS
channel surfing? that's the one. and all the other sedentary activities. wedding vows do not bring on the pounds
Marriage brings many changes, and weight gain tops the list
Cynthia Ramnarace ON Jul 7, 2010 at 5:47PM
Mariah Carey, Britney Spears and Khloe Kardashian—even the most buff and beautiful have packed on a few pounds after getting married.
No matter who you are, it seems, it’s not unusual to gain some weight after you walk down the aisle. In fact, you don’t even need to exchange vows to suffer the effects: A 2008 study in the journal Obesity showed that couples that lived together more than two years—whether married or not—were more likely to be obese, inactive and sedentary.
It’s no secret that couples tend to spend more time sitting on the couch (maybe sharing a pint of ice cream) than out dancing in the clubs or going for long, moonlit walks. (Sound familiar?) Being in a marriage—or being part of a long-term, cohabitating couple—changes the rhythm of your life, says behavioral psychologist Mike Bishop, Ph.D., executive director at Wellspring Camps, the weight-loss retreats based in Tampa, Fla. For those who do walk down the aisle, a wedding can be a great incentive to shape up. But once the pressure and spotlight are off you, there’s less motivation to stick with the program. If you went gangbusters at the gym to fit into that slinky wedding dress, you may feel that now you’ve earned the chance to relax. Once you stop or slow down the work outs, though, the pounds can start to creep on.
Then there’s the simple fact that people in love enjoy sedentary activities: cuddling and channel surfing; sleeping in on a Saturday morning (instead of, say, getting up early to hit the gym); spending long hours sitting and sipping at outdoor cafes. The more you lounge, the less you move. And that means you burn fewer calories, and are more likely to be snacking on some empty ones. There’s also this: Marriage, particularly the first year, is stressful. And what do a lot of people do when they’re stressed? Eat. And not well. “Rarely do you hear somebody saying, ‘Oh, I’m so stressed. I’m going to go eat a big plate of broccoli,’” says Bishop. “Usually, stress eating involves chocolate or pizza.” Has getting cozy—or getting stressed—helped you put on a few pounds? If so, have faith: You can still be in a couple yet rediscover your inner, slimmer single girl. Here’s how three couples who got familiar with love chub succeeded in turning the scale in the other direction.
A Personal Trainer Brings Accountability
On her wedding day, Revee Torledo weighed in at 135 pounds and wore a size 4. Three months later, thanks to the holidays and too many nights spent snuggling on the couch, the scale was getting closer to 150 pounds than she was comfortable with. When she had to start searching the back of her closet for size 6s, she knew something had to change. She wasn’t the only one. “I was looking at my husband one morning and said, ‘You need to get rid of that little Buddha belly,’” Revee says. “He’d picked on me when I couldn’t zip up a dress too. We never had any major disagreements about [our weight gain], but we didn’t want to get to a point where we did.”
So in January 2010, Revee and Eugene made a resolution to lose what they’d gained. They both returned to what had worked for them in the past. Eugene took up capoeira, an Afro-Brazilian form of self-defense training. Revee wanted a personal trainer, but not someone she’d only see once a week. She needed a trainer who could double as a life coach and was easily accessible. Her trainer, Jen Cassetty, was available any time of the day by text, Twitter or Facebook. If Revee didn’t want to work out, Jen told her to stop procrastinating and get going. If her fitness routine felt boring, Revee could look at the iPhone fitness app Jen designed for some new ideas.
“I emailed her to say ‘I’m struggling, I’m not losing,’” Revee says. “At one point I felt as if I was working really hard and not losing a single pound. She told me to keep going. She told me to stop with the little snacks in between meals. She told me, ‘keep it up.’” Revee listened. So far both she and her husband have lost 10 pounds each. “I needed someone who could motivate me,” Revee says. “Someone who’d talk to me and say, ‘You’re not a failure, it happens to the best of us.’ My trainer helped me develop a routine and find my motivation.”
Cutting the Carbs and Adding Leafy Greens and Lean Proteins
For Adam Saunders, 33, the happy pounds started appearing in 2006, after he met and married Jenna, the woman he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. Before their wedding, at 225 pounds and at 11 percent body fat, he looked every bit the nightclub bouncer that he was. But within a year after the wedding, he was up to 276 pounds “of pure fat” and went from a 32- to 42-inch waist. Jenna, 31, went from a size 8 to a 14. How did it happen? “We just got comfortable with each other,” says Adam, who lives with Jenna in Wellington, Fla.
Adam’s wake-up call came when he saw himself on a video dancing around the house with his kids. “You see me coming down the hallway and it just looked like I’d been stung by a bee 50 times,” Adam says. “My clothes weren’t fitting. I was always out of breath, always sweating. It wasn’t a pretty sight.”
Because he works 70 hours a week, an exercise-intensive weight-loss program wasn’t going to work. Adam knew he needed to find a regimented diet that relied on cutting calories and didn’t require exercise to lose weight. He tried Smart for Life, a plan that reduced the carbohydrates in his diet and replaced them with lots of leafy greens and other vegetables, plus lean protein. Gone was his habit of collapsing on the couch after work with a tub of ice cream or bag of chocolate. Vegetables, and especially leafy greens, became the centerpiece of their dinner plates. Beverages were limited to water, diet soda or green tea. Adam went from 275 to 205 in less than six months. And he wasn’t the only one to benefit from his newfound healthy eating habits.
“He started losing weight and I didn’t want to be known as his fat wife,” says Jenna, who is down to 135 pounds after shedding 60. “I was cooking for him anyway, and so I just started eating the way he was eating.”
Losing the weight has also helped them feel better about themselves as a couple. “We had gotten to the point where we didn’t want to go and hang out with people,” Adam says. “We didn’t feel good about it. We didn’t want to be the fat couple in the crowd. But now people tell me it looks like I shed 15 years in age. And now I just feel good.”
Teamwork Helped Her Walk the Weight Off
The first five pounds crept on after Jacqueline Holder got home from her honeymoon. She hated slogging to the gym every day, so she cut down her routine to twice a week. She happily stocked the cabinets with snacks her husband loved and found herself noshing on them, too.
Then she got pregnant and those five pounds she initially gained soon turned into 75. Though she was at her heaviest weight after giving birth, her husband didn’t see the pounds and neither did she. “My husband was constantly making sure I was eating enough and telling me I was beautiful,” Jacqueline says. “So I didn't feel any pressure about my weight.”
When her son Noah was 6 months old, though, Jacqueline decided enough was enough. She felt uncomfortable, sluggish and wasn’t happy with what she saw in the mirror. So she joined a walking club and started training to walk in a half marathon. Noah is now nearly 2, and Jacqueline has walked three half marathons and run four more since she started training. She is now within five pounds of her wedding weight. Her husband gained a few post-wedding pounds and is working on losing them as well, mostly by cutting down on snacking. (Banning junk foods from the house has helped, Jacqueline says.)
“For me, just saying I would go to the gym or do an exercise DVD wasn’t enough,” Jacqueline says. “When I joined a team in training, I became responsible to the team. I had a certain amount I had to walk every day. And my husband is super-supportive too, staying with Noah on Saturdays mornings so I can meet up with my team. Having something set in concrete (on my schedule) like that really helped.”
However you choose to do it, Bishop says keeping your weight in check is really just a simple formula. “Weight management is about limiting the calories you put in your body and then burning calories that you have consumed,” he says. “If you’re neglecting either side of the equation, whether it’s calories in or calories out, that’s a formula for gaining weight.”
When young couples come to him for help with weight issues, he advises them to schedule in fitness just as they would dinner dates and office meetings. Sit down together and figure out when you’ll go biking, hiking or hit the gym.
“Especially for young couples, you’ve got to make fitness a family tradition,” Dr. Bishop says. “And you’ve got to start early by creating healthy habits [that will benefit] your family as you move forward.”
So even if you’ve put on a few post-wedding pounds, don’t fret. With a healthier diet, and some more physical activity, can ensure that you’ll always be able to fit in that wedding dress.
MY THOUGHTS
channel surfing? that's the one. and all the other sedentary activities. wedding vows do not bring on the pounds
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